Such a strange expression, throwing the baby out with the bathwater, but that is what I am thinking about today.
This past weekend a friend came over and we watched a movie he likes called The Peaceful Warrior. It is very philosophical, all about how to control our minds and bodies, staying present, the joy of the present moment, that happiness is not found in achievements (i.e., "If I just had this one thing, then I could be happy").
As much as I agree with everything, the whole time we were watching it, my insides were screaming, "I'm not going back into that cage."
I am very resistant to discipline these days.
I was talking to another friend recently, someone with whom I grew up, so having the same background as me. He pointed out some interesting things about our upbringing. For one, something I never thought of before, is that a lot of the discipline that we grew up with was masculine in nature. It was about control over one's emotions and being stoic and immovable.
There is value in those disciplines, but there is also value in the feminine side and that part got left out.
He described the inner being as a marriage between a masculine and a feminine side, we are all always working at keeping a harmonious balance between them within ourselves.
Right now I am needing to explore the creative and the chaotic. I need to find truth for myself, to experience it, rather than believing the things I've always been told. I want to discover for myself whether or not I need the present moment, whether or not meditation benefits my life.
So, for now, I am cutting loose from discipline. I'll come back to it soon and find my balance, I'm sure. I can't tell yet what from my past I want to keep and what I want to get rid of, so I'm throwing it all out and picking back up piece by piece as I find it helpful.