The White Hindu has moved

The White Hindu has moved! This blog is no longer updated, but Ambaa is still writing The White Hindu every weekday at

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Why don't I just date/marry an Indian?

The only other time in life that I have encountered Indianized white women is those who have married Desis.

The stories I have heard have all involved Indian parents in India who were delighted that the new American daughter-in-law was open to Indian culture, having an Indian wedding, etc.

In these cases a white woman being a Hindu would be encouraged for family unity and continuing culture.

If I had planned my life more carefully, maybe I would have been more on the lookout for an Indian husband.

Then I'd have an Indian last name, and people would totally understand why I was "acting Indian," right? Well, I'm sure it's more complicated than that, as I'm learning from an awesome blog called Gori Girl (means "white girl," so I'm not the only one who labels herself based on her race).

I remember when I was living in Arkansas with a fiancee. I had moved there to be close to him and he was not all that interested in Indian culture. That was the period in my life when I was separated from Indians and I learned how much I missed being surrounded in that culture!

However, he did agree to go with me to a Holi celebration taking place an hour's drive away. I went up to the park while he parked the car and the people were surprised, but happy to see me. When I mentioned that my fiancee was coming, I know they were expected an Indian man. They were expecting that he had brought me here to experience culture. I could see the startle on their faces when a white guy who knew nothing at all about Indian culture arrived. I'm the one who brought him.

Not surprisingly, it was hard to be in a relationship where my culture was not appreciated. It has always been hard for my white American boyfriends to accept that we are actually in an intercultural relationship. My current boyfriend is great with that. He is endlessly supportive and kind and interested in Hindu things. When I tell him about something, he goes and researches it.

Life has not really presented me with a chance to marry an Indian man. The only one I came close to dating was a Sikh that I went to the movies with a couple of times but felt no attraction to. That would not have solved my problem, anyway, since I'm not a Sikh!

And the thing is, I don't want to date or marry someone just to give me the legitimacy to be myself.

How well would a relationship work if I had gone out looking for an Indian husband, no matter who he was, just so that people wouldn't find my religion as weird?

If I had fallen in love with an Indian man, that would have been great. But I didn't.

So even though we are the same race and have very similar ethnic backgrounds, my sweetheart and I are in an intercultural relationship.


  1. yes. it doesn't sound sensible to marry someone just because he is indian or american.
    that will be injustice to both of you.

    - basu

  2. Your blog is interesting to read. I am a Indian myself but it is intriguing to read a White person's experiences and impediments(sort of) with the way they want to live.

    I think that your decision is correct. It is not good to marry someone just because they are Indian because there are people from India who are far less interested in its culture and religion than even an average indian, what to speak about you. If you are with a white person, even though he might not be interested so much in Hinduism, he will atleast try to understand your predicaments. For eg, the fact that you have had many boy friends will not be received well by a person born and brought up in India. However, that part of the culture might not be a problem for the white man.

  3. With all respect I think you're making a big mistake. Within the Hindu religion marriage is two people following the path of dharma and enjoying artha and kama together. That sharing of a way of life you're going to miss out on. You'll never know the joy of it. Furthermore, you will never be fully accepted into an Indian Hindu community if you marry a white guy. You will always be an outsider. If you're not fully a part of a Hindu community what's the point of trying to be a Hindu? You'll find it empty and void within a few years. Don't make a mistake you're going to regret. You're a very pretty woman. You can get a nice Indian man if you really want to.