Some of these are new questions and some are evolving answers. Always feel free to ask me questions by email or in the comments. I'm happy to turn these ideas into more of a discussion than just me prattling on about things. And I can always use fresh ideas for new blog posts (don't worry, though, I haven't forgotten my promise of an updated post about caste, it's waiting in the wings).
1. Do you eat meat? Why or why not? I already did not eat red meat before my enthusiasm for conversion to Hinduism, but early on I gave up all meat and have been all the better for it. Do you give feed with cow in it to your pet(s)?
I have a post about Indian and Hindu things that I don't follow here.
There I discuss that I am not a vegetarian. However, my feelings about it have started changing. In the last couple of months I have felt compelled toward vegetarianism. The thought of eating beef bothers me on some kind of emotional level now. I don't know what brought that on. Perhaps just the fact that this blog has caused me to spend a lot more time in thoughts about my religion and my religious practices.
It is still not practical for me to turn vegetarian, so I'm waiting to see how my feelings about it evolve.
My boyfriend eats meat and he cooks meat for me (we enjoy cooking for each other). I am already a very picky eater, so I don't want to take away from him such a huge number of potential things for him to cook. I tried to find some soy fake-meat to use instead, but so far I haven't been able to find anything that would correctly match the texture of beef.
2. Do you use henna? I personally love it! Makes my hair feel so much more natural, too.
I just started using henna to dye my hair. I haven't decided yet if I'll put indigo over it to make it more black or leave it red (with my hair, the length is a very dark brown, but I have a lot of grey and I dye to cover that). Right now I have red hair in the front and black for the rest because it dyed my white hairs red!
I have been using a chemical dye on my hair for the last eight years, and a couple of concerns came up with that. There's the fear that putting harsh chemicals on my head so frequently could be causing damage to my brain or my nervous system. Also, I am obsessed with super long hair and have always wanted to have hair at least to my knees. I'm finally going for that goal, so I wanted to use a dye that would be gentler and more natural for my hair.
Some people have told me to just grow it out with the grey, but I hate having grey hair. For one, it washes out my pale face and for another I'm only 28 years old. I went grey at around 20.
So far, I love the henna. It's a lot of work to apply, but I really like what it has done for my hair. It is beautiful.
So anyway, that has nothing to do with Hinduism, but hair is another one of my hobbies!
3. Does it bother you that your partner does not share the same faith, or do you embrace it? Is his mind open to the philosophy? Would you allow your children to have dual-faith rearing?
As I said in my post about why I don't just marry an Indian, I haven't had any luck finding a partner with a similar religion. In the past I've tried to date Christians and it has caused huge problems, even though we would both be very spiritual people. I've had a lot better luck with atheists. I've found them to be very respectful of my beliefs.
Especially my current boyfriend. He loves what we jokingly call "this whole Indian thing" (that's what one of my exes cited as a reason to break up with me: "You have this whole Indian thing going on"). My current boyfriend encourages me to continue with my religious practices, enjoys celebrating holidays with me, thinks Ganesha is awesome, and looks up and studies any Hindu or Indian thing that I happen to mention. Often he teaches me things!
We're very serious about getting married soon and starting a family. We've discussed how to handle being inter-religious as a family. We have a plan, but who knows how that will last once kids actually arrive?
The plan is that we will raise our children Hindu. They will go to temple and Chinmaya with me, we will celebrate Hindu holidays as a family, etc. When they get to be an age when they can reason and understand, probably around ten or eleven, then we will let them know that their father is an atheist. He can explain to them what that is and why he believes what he does.
I would insist that the children continue to practice Hinduism until they are 16. At that time they are free to no longer go to temple if they don't want to, etc. I will let them know that whatever makes them happy is fine with me and they can leave Hinduism, come back, do whatever. It is their life at that point. (Although it will break my heart if they become evangelical Christians, but even if they do, I won't criticize and I won't make a big deal of it, because the most important thing is to keep my children close to me).
I am curious to see what it will be like that my children will be in a very different religion from their Catholic cousins. Should be an interesting journey.
4. Is there a region of India you feel is the most beautiful? I've only been there two times, but I did appreciate the south a little more than the north.
I have not been able to visit India yet, which really upsets me. I'm longing to go. I would like to visit the North because of the holy sites there, however my parents have a guru in the South, so if they go again I'll tag along with them. I almost had an opportunity to go this summer, but I had to give it up because of financial constraints.
Sorry if the questions got too personal. It's interesting to find someone else on a similar journey to mine, although I think I am much older than you are (48). Good luck!
If you would like to tell your story here, I'd be happy to have another voice. Feel free to send an email to aambablog@gmail.com with your story and I'll see if I can guest post it!
And don't worry too much about asking personal questions. I don't know if it's me or my generation or what, but I'm an open book. I'm happy to tell people just about anything about me.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Trying too Hard: a dead give-away
I was watching a favorite TV show called Bones and something happened that made me think of my own life.
There was a character who was very into all things Chinese. (He was also illegally selling Chinese weapons, because it's a mystery show). He kept his ledger in Chinese and wore Chinese clothes, and his home was all decorated Chinese, etc. Well, the police take his ledger and one of them shows it to a Chinese anthropologist. He looks at the book and says, "The man who wrote this isn't Chinese, right?" They ask how he knew and he said that the characters were too carefully formed. The writer was trying too hard and the writing looked forced and stiff, not natural.
Trying too hard.
Now, I don't think that I have this problem with my Hindi. My handwriting isn't great in English and it's not great in Hindi either.
This is a page from my exercises in my Teach Yourself Hindi book :)
But what this TV show really made me think of is that I find myself in a large chasm in-between knowing nothing and knowing as much as someone born and raised in India.
I want to approach everything as an opportunity to learn, but I have to admit that it can be irritating when people assume I don't know anything. It's hard to be quiet and polite when someone is telling me, "Well, you know, Sanskrit is this ancient language and Hindi is closely related to it...blah blah blah." Yeah, I know. I've been exposed to Sanskrit since I was in the womb.
"It's traditional for us to do this..." "We call this thing, this..." I have trouble being talked down to and I don't like feeling like I'm being treated like an idiot. I know they are well meaning and want to help me understand.
And of course, sometimes, I really don't know! There are terms and traditions that I have not come across yet.
So I'm in that frustrating in-between place.
I wonder sometimes if I go too far in showing what I do know. For example, I went to my dance teacher's daughter's anangatrum (graduation ceremony for dance, see now I'm doing it to other people!) and I gave a gift of a murti and an auspicious amount of money.
I vaguely wonder (but I'm not stressed about it or anything) if knowing that a certain number is auspicious is seen as me "fitting in" or as me trying too hard. Does the move look natural or studied?
I find that I'm afraid that if I choose not to do something or follow some tradition, it will be seen as me not knowing about it rather than the regular choice that people make in their religions.
Therefore I follow a lot of things very traditionally just so I won't look ignorant.
(I know, I know, as usual I have to stop wondering what other people are thinking!)
There was a character who was very into all things Chinese. (He was also illegally selling Chinese weapons, because it's a mystery show). He kept his ledger in Chinese and wore Chinese clothes, and his home was all decorated Chinese, etc. Well, the police take his ledger and one of them shows it to a Chinese anthropologist. He looks at the book and says, "The man who wrote this isn't Chinese, right?" They ask how he knew and he said that the characters were too carefully formed. The writer was trying too hard and the writing looked forced and stiff, not natural.
Trying too hard.
Now, I don't think that I have this problem with my Hindi. My handwriting isn't great in English and it's not great in Hindi either.
This is a page from my exercises in my Teach Yourself Hindi book :)
But what this TV show really made me think of is that I find myself in a large chasm in-between knowing nothing and knowing as much as someone born and raised in India.
I want to approach everything as an opportunity to learn, but I have to admit that it can be irritating when people assume I don't know anything. It's hard to be quiet and polite when someone is telling me, "Well, you know, Sanskrit is this ancient language and Hindi is closely related to it...blah blah blah." Yeah, I know. I've been exposed to Sanskrit since I was in the womb.
"It's traditional for us to do this..." "We call this thing, this..." I have trouble being talked down to and I don't like feeling like I'm being treated like an idiot. I know they are well meaning and want to help me understand.
And of course, sometimes, I really don't know! There are terms and traditions that I have not come across yet.
So I'm in that frustrating in-between place.
I wonder sometimes if I go too far in showing what I do know. For example, I went to my dance teacher's daughter's anangatrum (graduation ceremony for dance, see now I'm doing it to other people!) and I gave a gift of a murti and an auspicious amount of money.
I vaguely wonder (but I'm not stressed about it or anything) if knowing that a certain number is auspicious is seen as me "fitting in" or as me trying too hard. Does the move look natural or studied?
I find that I'm afraid that if I choose not to do something or follow some tradition, it will be seen as me not knowing about it rather than the regular choice that people make in their religions.
Therefore I follow a lot of things very traditionally just so I won't look ignorant.
(I know, I know, as usual I have to stop wondering what other people are thinking!)
Saturday, June 12, 2010
How You Spend a Saturday
The boyfriend and I were just hanging out on my couch and watching old TV episodes when there was a knock on my door.
Two young men were there to talk to me about their new hope church. They were friendly and polite and we chatted about my dog for a moment.
They had a survey to ask people about their beliefs. Maybe some days I would be in the mood to go through that, but this is a sunny, beautiful day and the boyfriend and I are enjoying our time together.
So I told the guys that I was Hindu and not interested in church.
"Oh," one said, undeterred, "That's important for us to know."
"Would you mind telling us about your beliefs?" The other asked.
Again, maybe sometimes I might have the energy for that. But really I don't feel like putting in a lot of effort to explain Hinduism to people who are strongly biased against it.
As friendly as they are, and as much as they like to tell themselves that they are open minded, they aren't. They already know the answer and the only reason they want to hear my beliefs is so they can find ways to tear holes in them.
I'm not much of a debater and these conversations always leave me feeling drained and discouraged and they go back to being the same Christians they were before the discussion and I go back to being the same Hindu I was. No convincing is going to take place here.
The only thing that telling them my beliefs would change is that it would give them knowledge about Hinduism that they could use to develop ammunition to try to convert other Hindus.
I knew a Christian girl in college who encouraged her Christian group to attend a dinner that the Muslim Student Association was holding (they were doing the dinner as a way for people to get to know more about Islam, in a spirit of peace, so we could all get along). This girl told people to go to learn about Islam so that they could learn how to better proselytize them to Christianity. She was a sweet girl, but what a disgusting thing to do!
Watch this incredibly irritating video of two ignorant Christian girls trying to convince their "friend" Saraswati that she's going to hell:
I don't know why Saraswati continued to talk with these girls, but I have no interest in subjecting myself to this kind of thing :)
Two young men were there to talk to me about their new hope church. They were friendly and polite and we chatted about my dog for a moment.
They had a survey to ask people about their beliefs. Maybe some days I would be in the mood to go through that, but this is a sunny, beautiful day and the boyfriend and I are enjoying our time together.
So I told the guys that I was Hindu and not interested in church.
"Oh," one said, undeterred, "That's important for us to know."
"Would you mind telling us about your beliefs?" The other asked.
Again, maybe sometimes I might have the energy for that. But really I don't feel like putting in a lot of effort to explain Hinduism to people who are strongly biased against it.
As friendly as they are, and as much as they like to tell themselves that they are open minded, they aren't. They already know the answer and the only reason they want to hear my beliefs is so they can find ways to tear holes in them.
I'm not much of a debater and these conversations always leave me feeling drained and discouraged and they go back to being the same Christians they were before the discussion and I go back to being the same Hindu I was. No convincing is going to take place here.
The only thing that telling them my beliefs would change is that it would give them knowledge about Hinduism that they could use to develop ammunition to try to convert other Hindus.
I knew a Christian girl in college who encouraged her Christian group to attend a dinner that the Muslim Student Association was holding (they were doing the dinner as a way for people to get to know more about Islam, in a spirit of peace, so we could all get along). This girl told people to go to learn about Islam so that they could learn how to better proselytize them to Christianity. She was a sweet girl, but what a disgusting thing to do!
Watch this incredibly irritating video of two ignorant Christian girls trying to convince their "friend" Saraswati that she's going to hell:
I don't know why Saraswati continued to talk with these girls, but I have no interest in subjecting myself to this kind of thing :)
Friday, June 11, 2010
Follow up on Reader Questions
More discussion from Basu's questions:
1. so in advita-vedanta there doesn't seem to be a need for the concept of heaven and hell.
No, Advaita doesn't need a concept of heaven and hell to function. Some people say that there is a heaven, but it's a temporary place to wait for one's next embodiment. Although, again, I find that far too individual and I personally don't believe that we exist with distinct boundaries when we are not in a body.
I don't know of anyone who believes there is a hell. Generally people say that hell is what we create within our lives by our negative thoughts.
2. what you say about the allegory behind radha-krishna story is absolutely true. but i was thinking about all the puranic stories. it will be hard to find the symbolism behind all of them. for example the story of the birth of ganesha and how he gets the elephant head.
none of the stories trouble me. because i think most of the puranic stories are imaginations. some might have some historical origin but turned into myths and mythology after so much of time. but this is a historical explanation.
the reason why i asked you is to know how one see it from a religious point of view. and because you follow advaita vedanta.
Yeah, you're right, the story of Ganesha's head is pretty hard to find meaning in! I really don't know about that one. Again, it doesn't bother me. I figure it has a meaning that I am not understanding yet, but I trust that it will eventually be clear to me.
Also, I think ancient stories give a great insight into the way the human mind functions.
As an Advaitist, I don't know if the stories are historically true. I rather doubt it. I tend to have a fairly scientific mind and the stories are too fantastical. But, for me, it doesn't have to have actually happened to make it true. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me!
3. i don't agree with your explanation of the number 33. i think normal human being always prefer round numbers like 10, 100, 1000 etc.
for example in india elders often say "sho shal jio" - may you live 100 years. they don't say may you live 111 years of 77 years.
so i personally think it is likely that the number 33 has some other explanation.
yes, wiki in this case is not reliable because they didn't provide any reference.
I did some more looking into this and here is what I found:
HubPages: This author claims that the 330 million refers to the people waiting in "heaven" to get reborn who have been particularly good (Devas, not Gods). He does not go into why that particular number is used.
Koausa.org: This website does have an explanation for the exact number,
Hindu-blog: This website also goes into some explanations about symbolism in the number "3."
It reminds me of the trinity of Gods, which exists in both Christianity and Hinduism. The three who are also one, Brahman, Shiva, and Vishnu.
by the way, what do you think of lokayata tradition?
do you take it as a part of hinduism or a part of indian philosophy like buddhism and jainism and distinct from hindusim?
I am ashamed to admit that I didn't know what this was, so I went and looked that up too (on Wikipedia!).
lokayata
I'm not sure that I know enough about it yet to really discuss it. On the one hand, it's hard to accept that atheism and lack of belief in an eternal soul could be Hinduism. On the other hand, Hinduism does tend to encompass so much.
I have seen people that I would think of as Hindu who are very spiritual, but don't believe in a God. Seeing the whole universe as a "divine" power or seeing humanity as a "divine" power, those things are very Hindu to my mind.
But one of the fundamental things that makes Hinduism Hinduism is the belief in an eternal soul. We do not die. Krishna makes that very clear in the Gita.
The Buddhist belief in nothingness after death is the thing that most strongly separates Buddhism from Hinduism, I think. That and the idea that you can't enjoy the world while also being aware that it is an illusion in Buddhism.
So, it is certainly a very different flavor of Hinduism from mine, but I would never exclude it. I always lean toward unity, never division.
1. so in advita-vedanta there doesn't seem to be a need for the concept of heaven and hell.
No, Advaita doesn't need a concept of heaven and hell to function. Some people say that there is a heaven, but it's a temporary place to wait for one's next embodiment. Although, again, I find that far too individual and I personally don't believe that we exist with distinct boundaries when we are not in a body.
I don't know of anyone who believes there is a hell. Generally people say that hell is what we create within our lives by our negative thoughts.
2. what you say about the allegory behind radha-krishna story is absolutely true. but i was thinking about all the puranic stories. it will be hard to find the symbolism behind all of them. for example the story of the birth of ganesha and how he gets the elephant head.
none of the stories trouble me. because i think most of the puranic stories are imaginations. some might have some historical origin but turned into myths and mythology after so much of time. but this is a historical explanation.
the reason why i asked you is to know how one see it from a religious point of view. and because you follow advaita vedanta.
Yeah, you're right, the story of Ganesha's head is pretty hard to find meaning in! I really don't know about that one. Again, it doesn't bother me. I figure it has a meaning that I am not understanding yet, but I trust that it will eventually be clear to me.
Also, I think ancient stories give a great insight into the way the human mind functions.
As an Advaitist, I don't know if the stories are historically true. I rather doubt it. I tend to have a fairly scientific mind and the stories are too fantastical. But, for me, it doesn't have to have actually happened to make it true. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me!
3. i don't agree with your explanation of the number 33. i think normal human being always prefer round numbers like 10, 100, 1000 etc.
for example in india elders often say "sho shal jio" - may you live 100 years. they don't say may you live 111 years of 77 years.
so i personally think it is likely that the number 33 has some other explanation.
yes, wiki in this case is not reliable because they didn't provide any reference.
I did some more looking into this and here is what I found:
HubPages: This author claims that the 330 million refers to the people waiting in "heaven" to get reborn who have been particularly good (Devas, not Gods). He does not go into why that particular number is used.
Koausa.org: This website does have an explanation for the exact number,
Hindu religion is often labeled as a religion of 330 million gods. This misunderstanding arises when people fail to grasp the symbolism of the Hindu pantheon. According to the Hindu scriptures, living beings are not apart from God, since He lives in each and every one of them in the form of atman (BG 10.39). Thus each living being is a unique manifestation of God. In ancient times it was believed that there were 330 million living beings. This gave rise to the idea of 330 million deities or gods. Actually, this vast number of gods could not have been possibly worshipped, since 330 million names could not have been designed for them. The number 330 million was simply used to give a symbolic expression to the fundamental Hindu doctrine that God lives in the hearts of all living beings.
Hindu-blog: This website also goes into some explanations about symbolism in the number "3."
In Brhadaranyaka Upanishad while discussing Brahman, Yajnavalkya is asked how many gods are there. He says that there are three hundred and three and three thousand and three gods. When the question is repeated? He says, thirty three. When the question is again repeated he says, six. Finally, after several repetitions he says ONE. (Chapter I, hymn 9, verse 1)
It reminds me of the trinity of Gods, which exists in both Christianity and Hinduism. The three who are also one, Brahman, Shiva, and Vishnu.
by the way, what do you think of lokayata tradition?
do you take it as a part of hinduism or a part of indian philosophy like buddhism and jainism and distinct from hindusim?
I am ashamed to admit that I didn't know what this was, so I went and looked that up too (on Wikipedia!).
lokayata
I'm not sure that I know enough about it yet to really discuss it. On the one hand, it's hard to accept that atheism and lack of belief in an eternal soul could be Hinduism. On the other hand, Hinduism does tend to encompass so much.
I have seen people that I would think of as Hindu who are very spiritual, but don't believe in a God. Seeing the whole universe as a "divine" power or seeing humanity as a "divine" power, those things are very Hindu to my mind.
But one of the fundamental things that makes Hinduism Hinduism is the belief in an eternal soul. We do not die. Krishna makes that very clear in the Gita.
The Buddhist belief in nothingness after death is the thing that most strongly separates Buddhism from Hinduism, I think. That and the idea that you can't enjoy the world while also being aware that it is an illusion in Buddhism.
So, it is certainly a very different flavor of Hinduism from mine, but I would never exclude it. I always lean toward unity, never division.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Two Encounters
Quick second post for today. Two cool things that happened to me this week:
1) I managed to use a tiny smidgen of my Hindi.
I'm always shy to try out my Hindi on Indians. I go into the Indian grocery store and I sometimes overhear the old woman behind the counter speaking Hindi to others in there. When it's my turn, she and I do a lot of smiling and nodding and no speaking at all.
This week I went in to get a few things and I psyched myself up to say "dhanyavad" as I was leaving. And she said "You're welcome."
It wasn't much, but it was a start. :)
2) I had reason to go to 7-Eleven yesterday. I could see through the window that there was an Indian guy working there. (Hello, and welcome if you are reading this blog, sorry I didn't catch your name!). I was tempted to take off my bindi, as I've been wearing it only in places where I don't think I'll encounter Indians. Weird, I know.
But I went in wearing it. He asked if I was from India. I said no and I gave him a card with this website, but he actually seemed completely satisfied with the simple answer that I'm Hindu.
I was comforted. Maybe it doesn't need to be a big deal at all. Why are you wearing a bindi? Because I'm a Hindu. End of story. I like it!
1) I managed to use a tiny smidgen of my Hindi.
I'm always shy to try out my Hindi on Indians. I go into the Indian grocery store and I sometimes overhear the old woman behind the counter speaking Hindi to others in there. When it's my turn, she and I do a lot of smiling and nodding and no speaking at all.
This week I went in to get a few things and I psyched myself up to say "dhanyavad" as I was leaving. And she said "You're welcome."
It wasn't much, but it was a start. :)
2) I had reason to go to 7-Eleven yesterday. I could see through the window that there was an Indian guy working there. (Hello, and welcome if you are reading this blog, sorry I didn't catch your name!). I was tempted to take off my bindi, as I've been wearing it only in places where I don't think I'll encounter Indians. Weird, I know.
But I went in wearing it. He asked if I was from India. I said no and I gave him a card with this website, but he actually seemed completely satisfied with the simple answer that I'm Hindu.
I was comforted. Maybe it doesn't need to be a big deal at all. Why are you wearing a bindi? Because I'm a Hindu. End of story. I like it!
Another Voice
I was going back through comments on some of the older posts here and came across this comment that I wanted to bring to everyone's attention. I think this woman illustrates really well the frustration of feeling kept out of a religion that one is drawn to:
I don't know what the solution to this is. I'm hoping that this blog will help to spread the idea to born-Hindus that there are non-Indians out there who take being a Hindu seriously.
So far you all have given wonderful, positive responses, so I am hopeful!
CS's idea of having a group of Western Hindus doesn't seem like a good solution to me personally. I feel that is what I had in my organization growing up. We had Indian philosophy with British social traditions. It isn't that they didn't work together, they do. Not surprisingly, I do believe that Vedanta philosophy is The Truth (otherwise, I wouldn't be here doing what I'm doing) and if it is a universal Truth, then it would fit any society.
They emphasize making philosophy practical and applicable to everyday life. There is little to no ritual. It is focused on questions of how to be blissfully happy and discovering our purpose for being here.
It just didn't quite work for me. It seemed like a lobotomy to strip off the Indian-ness from the Vedanta. However, that might just be me feeling very connected Indian culture. It may have to do with my own personal past lives.
I don't know where you live, CS, but you might enjoy Philosophy School's take. Here are some links for you to check out. The first link is the one I grew up belonging to and my parents are still very active there.
Advaita Meditation Center
Philosophy School New York (Also with branches in various other U.S. cities)
School of Economic Science London
Or try a group historically welcoming to the non-Indians like Chinmaya, Himalayan Academy, or ISKON.
And no matter what, hold your head up high and don't let people badger you into believing that you aren't a Hindu. Your husband is right, you already are. It's exhausting sometimes, but we are the ones who have to be visible and show over time that white people can be good and devoted Hindus. Eventually enough people will see us that it will no longer be such a strange thing.
(By the way, on the caste issue I discovered some interesting things that I'll be posting about soon.)
CS said...
I found this blog while in a particularly frustrated mood about religion and ethnicity and fitting in. I am a white woman married to an Indian Hindu man, and have grown exceedingly tired and frustrated by these on-line discssions that insist that white people MUST NOT EVEN THINK of converting to Hinduism.
All the same reasons come up: we have no caste, the colonial legacy, which we, British or not, will be expected to pay for until the end of time, supposed scriptural references, we white people are all corrupt, or pretenders or looking for a cheap exotic thrill, or we don't know enough when not to enter a temple (during a woman's period)...
I get the feeling that the Indian born Hindus who insist that we stay in our places, thank you, feel a sense of smug superiority - we want something they have, and we're just not allowed because we're not good enough. We're polluting.
But I have been to India with hubby many times. And I have seen things first hand. Many things. Materialism, greed, no respect for elders, et cetera. As well as generosity, kindness, great love, acceptance. So I agree, Aamba, we are all the same.
We are all part of the human race, like it or not, and Hinduism is out there in the marketplace of ideas, and as irritated as that must make some Indian Hindus, too late. Too bad. Don't come telling us white people how wonderful your religion is, how superior, how advanced and perfected it it, and then say, "Oh no! Not for you, no way! You keep out! Respect us but DO NOT EVEN THINK OF PARKING HERE!" [emphasis added]
Am I angry? Just a little! I hate hypocrisy. And I've seen more than my fair share of late. I've tried so hard over these many years of marriage to fit in, hubby says there's no Hindu pope who says you can't be Hindu, so chill out, stop getting so worked up. And then I'm okay for a while.
But then I read or hear something and get mad all over again.
Is Hinduism for white people worth the struggle? If what you want is communal acceptance, it's dicey. If what you want is a personal, private communion with your inner self and with your conception of the Divine, then yes, it is.
Maybe our answer, as white Hindus, is to create a community for others in our position, to take what is good and pure and sacred in Hinduism that transcends race and ethnicity and caste and create a "Western Hinduism", much like western Buddhists have done.
I don't know what the solution to this is. I'm hoping that this blog will help to spread the idea to born-Hindus that there are non-Indians out there who take being a Hindu seriously.
So far you all have given wonderful, positive responses, so I am hopeful!
CS's idea of having a group of Western Hindus doesn't seem like a good solution to me personally. I feel that is what I had in my organization growing up. We had Indian philosophy with British social traditions. It isn't that they didn't work together, they do. Not surprisingly, I do believe that Vedanta philosophy is The Truth (otherwise, I wouldn't be here doing what I'm doing) and if it is a universal Truth, then it would fit any society.
They emphasize making philosophy practical and applicable to everyday life. There is little to no ritual. It is focused on questions of how to be blissfully happy and discovering our purpose for being here.
It just didn't quite work for me. It seemed like a lobotomy to strip off the Indian-ness from the Vedanta. However, that might just be me feeling very connected Indian culture. It may have to do with my own personal past lives.
I don't know where you live, CS, but you might enjoy Philosophy School's take. Here are some links for you to check out. The first link is the one I grew up belonging to and my parents are still very active there.
Advaita Meditation Center
Philosophy School New York (Also with branches in various other U.S. cities)
School of Economic Science London
Or try a group historically welcoming to the non-Indians like Chinmaya, Himalayan Academy, or ISKON.
And no matter what, hold your head up high and don't let people badger you into believing that you aren't a Hindu. Your husband is right, you already are. It's exhausting sometimes, but we are the ones who have to be visible and show over time that white people can be good and devoted Hindus. Eventually enough people will see us that it will no longer be such a strange thing.
(By the way, on the caste issue I discovered some interesting things that I'll be posting about soon.)
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Culture and Language
One of the things that makes me so excited to learn a new language is that I know that languages are not just codes of one another. It's not that you memorize the word for this and the word for that in another language, then put it together and you're done.
Languages are connected to thought and to culture. The way a language expresses something is indicative of its way of seeing the world. A new language means a new way to see the world. You Are What You Speak
Some people who are multilingual talk about being comfortable with different things in different languages. For example, emotions they prefer to speak about in their native language. Last night I was watching an Indian movie and a couple of fathers were trying to discuss a marriage in English, but one says, "You want to talk business? Talk business in Gujrati."
I've been reading lately the idea that one of the challenges to becoming billingual is a deep-seated fear that as we use the new language and leave our native one behind, that we feel we are losing a part of our culture. As The White Indian Housewife said in her blog entry after reading Dreaming in Hindi:
I guess I'm not far along in Hindi yet to notice anything like that. So far, I love Hindi and I love speaking it. Of course, I don't live in India either, so there isn't much danger of me losing touch with my Americaness.
Two concerns I do have are that 1) I keep being told that text book Hindi is not what people really speak which makes me worry that I'm wasting my time and makes keeping my motivation up very difficult and 2) some of the blogs of moms raising bilingual children in a non-native language talk about the fear of not fully connecting to their children because they are not sharing their native tongue with them and are only relating to them through a second language. I reassure myself that 1) once I have text book Hindi down, it will be easy to modify into colloquial and 2) I can stop this bilingual idea with my kids any time if it is not feeling right. Also, I will be speaking English with them outside of our home.
But the fear of losing my own sense of culture? Not there at all. Then again, one of my problems has been that I don't feel like I have a culture.
I have seen some people arguing for and against the idea that there is an American culture. I suppose that there is. Maybe I'm too close to it to see that it exists. I don't feel any connection to it, in any case.
Here are two perspectives on white American culture. The first is from MissTam4 at Ravelry.com, the knitting website. This is something she said in response to talking about children who are half white and half black relating to the culture of their white parent:
Gori Girl has a wonderful essay about cultural identity and whether Indian culture is any richer than American culture. I highly recommend reading the whole thing, but here is one relevant bit:
I wonder, if I did manage to integrate myself into an Indian way of life within America if I would start missing something or feel like I had given up part of myself.
Personally I am of the school of thought that American culture is not very rich. Not yet, anyway. We are still a very young country and our culture is still developing.
Many ethnic groups in America do keep their own wonderful traditions and I know that I strongly felt the lack of that growing up. I was jealous of my best friend's Jewish traditions.
Part of the problem may also have been that I don't relate to a lot of the things that might be considered American culture. As I've said before, participating in Indian culture has felt like coming home to me, has felt so natural and so right.
EDITED TO ADD: Another perspective on this that I just found at a blog called Big, Bad, Blonde Bahu Blog She talks about her Catholic culture and her distaste for people saying that India is better because it has more culture.
Languages are connected to thought and to culture. The way a language expresses something is indicative of its way of seeing the world. A new language means a new way to see the world. You Are What You Speak
Some people who are multilingual talk about being comfortable with different things in different languages. For example, emotions they prefer to speak about in their native language. Last night I was watching an Indian movie and a couple of fathers were trying to discuss a marriage in English, but one says, "You want to talk business? Talk business in Gujrati."
I've been reading lately the idea that one of the challenges to becoming billingual is a deep-seated fear that as we use the new language and leave our native one behind, that we feel we are losing a part of our culture. As The White Indian Housewife said in her blog entry after reading Dreaming in Hindi:
I just don’t want to learn Hindi anymore, or even speak it much. My mother in law accuses me of having forgotten my Hindi. I haven’t though. It’s just reluctant to come out!
This has disturbed me and left me wondering why. However, much to my relief the book offers some explanation. As the author says, when we learn a language, we learn an entire culture. There comes a point where that culture starts taking over. And in order for that to happen, you must give up some of your own culture. Learning a new language also changes the way your brain thinks and operates.
I think my problem stems from the fact that I’ve been in India for quite a long time now (it will be five years in December!), and I’ve adapted so much to Indian culture that I’m fighting to retain my own culture. In the beginning, I almost tried to become Indian to fit in. I took it very seriously. Now that fitting in (as much as possible!) comes quite naturally to me, I’m starting to feel like I’ve lost a part of myself.
I guess I'm not far along in Hindi yet to notice anything like that. So far, I love Hindi and I love speaking it. Of course, I don't live in India either, so there isn't much danger of me losing touch with my Americaness.
Two concerns I do have are that 1) I keep being told that text book Hindi is not what people really speak which makes me worry that I'm wasting my time and makes keeping my motivation up very difficult and 2) some of the blogs of moms raising bilingual children in a non-native language talk about the fear of not fully connecting to their children because they are not sharing their native tongue with them and are only relating to them through a second language. I reassure myself that 1) once I have text book Hindi down, it will be easy to modify into colloquial and 2) I can stop this bilingual idea with my kids any time if it is not feeling right. Also, I will be speaking English with them outside of our home.
But the fear of losing my own sense of culture? Not there at all. Then again, one of my problems has been that I don't feel like I have a culture.
I have seen some people arguing for and against the idea that there is an American culture. I suppose that there is. Maybe I'm too close to it to see that it exists. I don't feel any connection to it, in any case.
Here are two perspectives on white American culture. The first is from MissTam4 at Ravelry.com, the knitting website. This is something she said in response to talking about children who are half white and half black relating to the culture of their white parent:
I’m white. I couldn’t possibly care less about being white or if my kids are white. I have no “culture” to speak of other than the normal “American” type culture that we all have (whatever race we are, as Americans)...As white people, we really do not have a “culture” or any kind of “solidarity”. The only solidarity white people have as a group is, frankly, the desire to exclude all others. Unless your husband has a specific national culture that he wants to pass on, (e.g. his family is recently immigrated from somewhere and the culture of that country is still strong in his family) there really isn’t anything TO pass on to his children regarding their whiteness. On the other hand, if your family is like most black families I know, YOU have a rich and wonderful American sub-culture to pass on to your children. It gives them a sense of belonging and solidarity and history that white folk simply DO NOT HAVE. .. I’m American. I’m white. So what? The only culture or history I have or care about is the same stuff every kid will learn in school- Columbus, Pilgrims, Revolutionary War, Abe Lincoln, McDonald’s, blue jeans, apple pie.
Gori Girl has a wonderful essay about cultural identity and whether Indian culture is any richer than American culture. I highly recommend reading the whole thing, but here is one relevant bit:
Let’s get one thing straight: cultures – all cultures – are constantly changing. And by culture here, I mean “the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes a society” – i.e. culture is the sum of all learned human behaviors in a particular society. What one generation learns from the previous will change as a society adapts to different conditions. The rate of the change that a culture goes through will generally vary based on the internal and external conditions or pressures a society faces, such as technological innovation, changing resources, and contact with other cultures.
For example, most Americans today would not be able to survive for very long in the wild, but the pioneers in the early days of our nation certainly could and did. As “frontier America” transformed into towns and cities knowing how to live off the land became a less important skill than those that allowed you to work in an office or factory in town...It’s not that culture continuity requires that a culture stays the same – that’s impossible – just that certain central aspects of a culture, such as particular beliefs or traditions, remain. To return to the example of “living off the land” in the US, while most Americans can’t survive out in the wild, there remains an ethos of individuality in American culture: a belief that a person should be able to stand on his own two feet without help from others or the government, just as pioneers were required to do.
I wonder, if I did manage to integrate myself into an Indian way of life within America if I would start missing something or feel like I had given up part of myself.
Personally I am of the school of thought that American culture is not very rich. Not yet, anyway. We are still a very young country and our culture is still developing.
Many ethnic groups in America do keep their own wonderful traditions and I know that I strongly felt the lack of that growing up. I was jealous of my best friend's Jewish traditions.
Part of the problem may also have been that I don't relate to a lot of the things that might be considered American culture. As I've said before, participating in Indian culture has felt like coming home to me, has felt so natural and so right.
EDITED TO ADD: Another perspective on this that I just found at a blog called Big, Bad, Blonde Bahu Blog She talks about her Catholic culture and her distaste for people saying that India is better because it has more culture.
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