Other White Americans Looking for Culture

I happened to stumble upon some blogs about other ways in which people of European ancestry find culture in their lives. I know we have a few Pagan readers here and I think this is the same or similar. It seems that some people are going back to Nordic traditions of their ancestors as well. This suggests to me that my sense of lack of culture is a common problem here in America.

One person put it really interestingly:
""I know the feeling of having been exiled from your ancestors’ traditions. I know what it feels like to see other cultures reveling in traditions, and medicines, and lifestyles passed down to them for thousands of years, while I am given only Advil with which to soothe my pains."

The post is about how sometimes people trying to reclaim their European heritage fall into problems with racism (wanting to have White pride, since Black pride is okay).

It seems that a lot of people feel very connected to their own family and ancestry. I don't really feel that. I don't have a sense of my lineage reaching back through time in one particular family. Believing in reincarnation, this body is little indication of what other lives I've had and those lives are equally valid as this one. It's not like a previous life is less real because it is over. I may have been Indian in my last life. I may have been something else.

With that in mind it is also hard for me to understand how people get held accountable for the actions of their race in the past. It seems like such a strange idea to me because I didn't personally do any of those things that white people did to subjugate other races. But is that just a "white" way to think?

The same person above quotes Churchill [Edited to correct: not The Churchill, apparently, just A Churchill] as saying: “[People who appropriate the affects [sic] of other spiritual cultures] are attempting to avoid responsibility, to sidestep the heritage they’re a part of. Rather than rectify it, putting it right, putting it back in balance, they want to step out of it and appropriate something else from somebody else so they can pretend to be other than who and what they are.” (From what I read of the link Tandava shared, this Churchill guy is out of his mind. With alleged claims of a little bit of Native American blood, he criticizes all other white people for being imperialists and apparently published an essay basically saying that victims of 9/11 had it coming).

I don't understand this perspective at all. For wrongs of the past, I think we should all be working to rectify those. I think we should do our best to avoid those wrongs in the present. It seems to me that the responsibility belongs to everyone, not just those whose ancestors two hundred years ago did something wrong.

So here we are, back at the subject of cultural appropriation. I went looking for a definition and I was pleased with what I found. A detailed article on Pagans using Hindu deities gave this definition:
" Cultural appropriation happens when someone from one culture borrows symbols, rituals, and practices from another culture without fully understanding the context, meaning, and complexity of those things, and then passes them off as one’s own, or uses their own interpretations and then passes them off as 'authentic.' "

By this definition, one would need to be using items from another culture without understanding their full meaning and claiming one's own interpretation as more valid. I don't believe that I am doing either of these things. I come to Hindu practices with much respect. I have a great deal of study, knowledge, and practical experience participating in Hindu ritual. I value my own understanding of my worship, but I'm always open to deepening that understanding with the many, many people who know more than I.

This person goes on to say, "I’ve seen plenty of neo-Pagans doing a great job at respectfully approaching Hindu deities and incorporating Hindu worship into their own with some amount of care and respect. At the same time, I’ve also seen a few neo-Pagans worship Hindu deities with some bravado, and have seen and heard about some rituals that are at best ignorant and at worst blatantly disrespectful of Hindu traditions and culture."

Another blog post defining cultural appropriation says this: "Cultural Appropriation: The unhealthy aspect of multiculti, where a more powerful culture raids a less powerful neighboring culture ... and appropriates aspects of that culture without proper acknowledgment of the 'home culture' or understanding the cultural context from which these aspects spring. Examples: yoga, Buddhism, hip hop and ebonics-derived slang, graffiti art, etc."

Pretty similar, the key idea being that the source of the cultural tradition is not acknowledged and the understanding is incomplete.

The first article is more positive in tone than the second, but both give me the impression that there are ways to do what we do well and there are ways to do it badly and we need to be aware of that. It doesn't mean that neo-Pagans can't worship Hindu deities or that non-Indians can't worship Hindu deities, it just means that we have to do it with care and respect.

The same blog above has more to say on this subject and also references someone else's thoughts as well:
And We Shall March
A post referencing the above post and adding some things

I'm sorry, Christians

Okay, I know that of late I've been letting my animosity toward Christianity show. I have a lot of anger about it and I am working to let go of that, but it's tough.

I used to have a lot more patience, but over the years I got closer and closer to the end of the proverbial rope so that now, everything sends me over the edge! I have no opportunity to grow this patience back because Christianity is rammed down my throat every day.

It's not just evangelicals. Of every 50 people you meet in America, probably 49 of them will be wearing a cross. Something like 30 of them will have a Bible quote at their desk at work. Christianity is everywhere you look here. It's in my face all day, every day. T-shirts, bumper stickers, tattoos, jewelry. Bibles in hotel rooms, prayers at events where they should not be legally doing them at all, etc. Bad enough that one can't walk ten feet in America without hitting a church. And I get told I'm just being sensitive and a spoil sport. If my religion were forced on them as much as theirs is on me, they would be saying something very different.

All I ask of Christianity is that it leave me in peace. That's it.

I can't even get away from it in my own home. I get email forwards with Bible verses or talk about angels, I see Bible quotes on Facebook, there are ten television stations dedicated to sermons, and advertisements for Wow Worship music on mainstream channels.

And then there are the people knocking on my door wanting to talk about Jesus Christ, who has been DEAD for more than two thousand years, people. (And before anyone says anything about resurrection, don't forget who you're talking to. I don't believe death exists for anyone. "He who thinks he can kill, he who thinks he can be killed; both are mistaken." Gita).

One of the reasons I make myself very visible as a Hindu is because I am forced to see Christians' religion. If they're going to put their religion in my face, I'm going to put mine in theirs. And I'll tell you, I was very glad I was wearing a bindi when we went to a friend's house to play games and a new person there was wearing a "Jesus Saves" shirt. I can play that game too.

You know what else gets on my nerves? The expression "You only live once." I don't know how it is in other parts of the world, but this expression is everywhere in America. It is usually used to justify stupid behavior. The thing that gets to me is that this phrase is thrown around like it's absolute truth that everyone acknowledges and believes. Well, I don't. I don't think we live once at all.

As the article yesterday said, the ethos of Christianity is all around us in America. People have a baseline assumption that everyone around them is Christian, shown when someone complains in a room full of people about having to have a holiday party at school instead of a Christmas party as though everyone around is going to agree with them (shut up and stop whining is what I want to tell them. Not having a Christmas party is not equivalent to being persecuted. Talk to the people who were burned alive for being Christian).

The idea of a National day of prayer is ridiculous. Leaving aside that it favors religion over non-religion and I completely respect my boyfriend's right to not believe in any God or higher power, Christians in favor of it like to say that it is "non-denominational," so it's okay.

It's non-denominational Christian. Don't kid yourself. I don't know of any other religion that prays the way Christians do. If you want to pray one day of the year, go ahead. If you want to pray every day of the year, go ahead. Do it in your home. Do it in private, like the Bible says to!

I once told a Christian about how Hinduism has a trinity and the similarities between Jesus and Krishna. Know what he said? That Hinduism had TAKEN it from Christianity. Sorry, dude, Hinduism had those ideas way before Christianity ever existed.

I know that this apology is not one at all, it's just a rant.

It really is a shame because I do know some great people who are Christians. They have loved and respected me enough not to try to convert me and I appreciate that. I have at least a couple of friends who have been very much helped by becoming Christian. That's great for them. I'm sorry that I don't have more patience. I know there are people out there praying for me to get some!

In the mean time, I am going to try to keep the anger out of my posts. I really do want to focus on Hinduism and what it means to be a Hindu in America and to be a non-Indian Hindu. I don't care about Christianity's issues or how they see the world. I've heard it all before. This blog is not for Christianity. In fact, it should be a place where I can get away from it. So, from here on out, no more jabs at Christianity. If I should worry about offending anyone, it is my Christian friends.

A Hindu-American Identity

There's not too much new in my world to talk about. I continue to go to work, school, dance class and try to keep up with all my hobbies.

I'm taking a new class on Civil Right and Civil Liberties and it should be very interesting and give me some things to talk about once we get into Freedom of Religion issues! That stuff is near and dear to my heart. The thing I love most about America is that the government and religion are separate. Being allowed to practice my religion in the way that I see fit is my most precious freedom.

Since I don't have too much to say, I thought I would send you around to some other places for some interesting reading.

This article, The Hyphenated Hindus, was published in 2006, but it is really interesting and well done, and definitely still applicable. It is about creating the Hindu identity in America. I got it from Hindu Mommy's blog, but I don't know if it was originally published elsewhere.

Ms. Bannerjee writes "There is a subtle but powerful Christian ethos that pervades America, and to this day, it draws rather than alienates me." For me, it is alienating. It didn't used to be, but as I said in the comments recently, I have run completely out of patience with Christianity.

And she speaks to how children learn Hinduism in school: "In school, when there was a conscious effort of being multicultural, we spent perhaps fifteen or twenty minutes discussing world religions, wherein Hinduism was quickly depicted as a religion of hundreds of gods, many of whom had animal features, as an ancient faith ridden with social ills like caste and sati." Notice that it is fifteen to twenty minutes for all the world religions together, not for each one! That's how it was in my school too. One paragraph in the textbook on Hinduism, one on Buddhism, one on Zen, and that's it.

And speaking of the image of Hinduism:

"Though I saw myself as a Hindu, for a long time, I did not call myself one. Frankly, it just didn’t sound good. Being Christian conjured connotations of compassion and charity. Being Muslim meant in my mind being of strong faith, the fastest growing faith, a religion that though one of the world’s youngest, had in its history been one of power, empire, and global dominance. Being Buddhist evoked images of meditation and the esoteric realms of philosophy and enlightenment. But being Hindu – being Hindu suggested idolatry, a chaotic collection of myths; it stood for caste and sati, for the subordination of Sita and all the women who followed her, for Brahmanic oppression and backwardness. These were not trivial concerns. Public perceptions, grossly generalized or misconstrued though they may be, matter...

Moreover, I did not want to call myself Hindu because there were no others around me proclaiming themselves as Hindu either. There were no chaplains representing the Hindu faith in the universities I attended. Though there were student associations for most other religions, hardly any existed for Hindus. When I tried to start one up, I faced suspicion that it was a façade for Sangh politics. There has been an emphasized divorce between religion and cultural identity when it comes to South Asian student groups. This is acceptable when people of other faiths have Muslim or Christian student associations to nurture their religious needs, but Hindus often have no such outlets."

Creation of a Hindu identity in America, the real crux of the article:

"Not only is there a paucity of classes dealing with Hinduism at the college level, but the attitudes of South Asian professors are sometimes problematic. It seems that a number of these professors are so embedded in Indian or South Asian politics that they do not distinguish, as they should, between the pursuit of a Hindu identity in India and the creation of one in America...As the generations pass, the links with India will prove more and more tenuous, while the links with Hinduism will hopefully remain as strong if not stronger. Furthermore, there are many Hindus of non-Indian descent who also seek a Hindu community to which they can belong, in which they have a voice...These are some of the frustrations that I and others like me have faced and continue to face as Hindus in America. The Hindu-American community needs to take responsibility for the fate of our religion in our country. It is only through our efforts that the opportunities and resources can be provided for interested individuals to engage with Hinduism in its spiritual, philosophical, intellectual, and cultural dimensions. The first step in paving this path, I believe, is the conscious formation of a Hindu-American community and identity."

(Emphasis added)
The atmosphere around us affects our religious practices:

"One of the difficulties of engaging with Hinduism in America is that we live in a predominantly non-Hindu setting. It is easier to practice Hinduism in India, where the culture and the religion have become so intertwined, where Dussehra merits a holiday, where interpretations of the epics have been shown on wildly popular TV serials, where grandparents share the stories of the Puranas with children, where the resources for learning about the religion are more readily available than they are here. There is a subtle yet powerful Hindu ethos in India that is absent in America. Immersion in the ethos of Hinduism, of course, does not a Hindu make, but it does facilitate engagement with the religious aspects of the tradition if one so chooses...The result is that very few Hindus in America think of themselves as being Hindu. One may very well ask, so what? Why does this matter? Why is it something we should, as a community, expend energy and resources in trying to change?

Some fear that adopting a Hindu-American identity would threaten an Indian-American identity or a South-Asian-American one. That fear reflects a misunderstanding of the interplay between identities. Identities do not have to compete with each other. Wouldn’t it actually be better to separate being Indian from being Hindu rather than conflating the two as some try to do? Cannot an Indian-American Muslim have two identities, one as an Indian-American and one as a Muslim-American? Indeed, I know of many Indian-American Muslims who are equally active in South Asian groups as they are in Muslim organizations. One identity does not have to supercede or substitute for another."

(Emphasis added)

Thanks so much to Ms. Bannerjee for expressing these ideas so well.

Someone on Ravelry also posted an article about a Black Jewish community that explores issues of ethnicity and religion and conversion.

I've discovered some more interesting posts on other people's blogs about the issues we look at here, so I'll be gathering those to share with you soon.

Lonliness and also Caste

Basu asked a few posts ago whether I have any Indian friends and I realized that I don't have very many friends of any kind. Not here, anyway. That is the trouble with moving a lot. I kept trying to fit in somewhere and I moved to five different states when I left home to go to college.

I now live very close to my best friend from home, she is the main reason that I moved to Maryland.

But now I know that I need more. I need other girl friends. My partner in my dance class is probably moving over seas soon and she doesn't seem too interested in hanging out outside of the events we go to.

I do hope to make friends at Chinmaya, but I know it is going to take a while. Many people there have known each other for years, I would guess. I see people come in and greet their friends and smile and talk and sit together and it makes me feel extremely alone.

Recently I've been doing too many things alone. I learned to do that from my traveling around. I show up at these things and people are welcoming, but it takes time to develop real friendship. (I started out going to Hindi meet-up group alone, but once my boyfriend and I started dating, he decided to learn Hindi also, so we go together now and he always comes with me to dance events, etc.)

Today in the BJ's parking lot I saw three African women finishing up their shopping together. They were dressed in African dresses and turbans. It made me think how much easier it must be to wear ethnic clothes and maintain one's culture when you have friends (or sisters as the case might be) to do things with.

Again, I felt terribly lonely. I suddenly understood why it would be so nice to have other people of your own culture around you. I wish there were more like me. Now, thanks to this blog, I know I'm not totally alone. But still, sometimes I feel a bit like The Doctor, the only one of my kind and there is a profound loneliness.

I do plan to stay in this area for the long term, so I hope I can make some good strong friendships here. (And starting that process, one of the commentors on this blog invited the boyfriend and me to dinner with her family. Little did we realize, we live in the same town! I'm really looking forward to that).

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On a completely different note, new discoveries about the caste issue.

I've mentioned before that I feel like one of the real difficulties of Hinduism coming to accept converts is that converts don't have a caste. Even though socially, many have been trying to do away with the caste system for years, it seems to be still very commonly used in terms of what you know about someone. The sort-of social mobility that is built into the American character is not as common in India, from what I understand.

On my last post on this subject, a couple of commenters said the following:

Sriram said...
Actually caste is much maligned subject that has been misused for personal benefit.

The 4th Chapter, 13th verse of the Bhagvad Gita explains it in simple terms. Krishna says that he created the 4 castes. This was used widely by many to spread a half truth. The full line is where he says that he created the 4 castes but the caste of a person is decided by actions and qualities.

If one goes backwards and reads about who the authors of many of the books in Hinduism were, they were not born into the high caste families or blood lines. There are other controversial books but one has to see them contextually than in a generic all encompassing manner.

June 3, 2010 3:03 PM
Anil said...
Yes, I agree.

"Chaturvarnam Maya Shristam Guna Karma Vibhagasah" means according to nature and action people are divided into four classes. Ignorant people have made it by birth.

Also, I happened to read in the FAQs section of the ISKON website:
"In Bhagavad Gita (18.42-44), Sri Krishna clearly states that the Varna (caste) of a person is decided by his activities, not by birth"

Now, of course, this doesn't mean that the issue of caste suddenly vanishes. Even if it was meant to be a measure of our behavior more than our birth, it is still heavily used to judge and categorize people.

Still, it is good to know that this is a social construct and it can be separated from the religion without damaging the religion.

I can understand the idea that we are born into circumstances based on our sanskara, but as I've said before, I cannot accept that this is an excuse to treat people badly or deny them education (or going the other way, to expect more from people who were born Brahmin). It is not our job to judge someone else, it is our job to have compassion. There is no place to say, this person was born untouchable, therefore they must have done something horrible in a past life, therefore they deserve to be treated badly. We do not know what happened in their past life and we don't know for what purpose that person was born into the life they were. The only thing that matters is the present moment, and in this moment we must show kindness to all because they are all our siblings and our parents.

You are all Wonderful

What fantastic responses to my post yesterday! Thank you for your thoughtful replies and you all brought up some really good points. I find so much encouragement from you all. :)

Here were some of my favorite things said so far:

CS:
There is a lot of truth, though, to the notion that bored rich white people seek spiritual thrills by "following" Eastern religions. They are colorful and spicy and exotic. (But I wonder why no one bats an eyelash when an Indian or other Asian or any other non-white person embraces Christianity or Islam and a "western" lifestyle... Is that appropriation?) 

I found serious Hinduism the first time I went to India and traveled with DH (darling hubby) to a well-known pilgrimage temple in the south, and spent a night there and got up at the crack of dawn to wait in hours-long lines to do the puja and then see the main deity (have a darshan). What I saw of real humanity, rich, poor, sick, young, healthy, dying, and the devotion there in the inner sanctum, was something that a rich white person probably can't access in the same way in a cushy resort on a beach in Goa or Kerala, having $1,000 ayurvedic treatments, and the like. I have to admit, as a white (dare I say it) Hindu, even I have to sneer at that.

Art:
Christianity is an Eastern religion. My European ancestors stole it 1500 years ago, but does that make it any less stolen? Jesus was not European...
No one owns Hinduism, anymore than they own any other faith. Every great religion is a gift from the Lord. Who is any man or woman to decide that another is not worthy of that gift?

In the most widely loved Hindu scripture, Srimad Bhagavad Gita, Sri Krishna tells us that none are more or less dear to Him, that He is the Lord of the universe, that He dwells in the hearts of all. He does not say that Indians are more dear to Him than Americans, that He is the Lord of the Indian sub-continent, or that He dwells in the heart of every Indian.

Mouse:
I always find it intriguing though that ONLY Americans (or "white folks")can "steal" other people's cultures... as if we ALL have absolutely no respect for anyone else and couldn't possibly be doing x for a good reason. I'm also (like you) exhausted by the notion that because I'm a "white girl" I must have this horribly romantic notion of how things are in other parts of the world (especially India) because I haven't been there to "see the other side" first hand. *sigh*

An Anonymous poster pointed out many examples of non-Indian Hindus and said, "*Serious converts are welcome but we dont want new age type dabblers."

And CS again:
In the end, brown skinned, white skinned, who CARES? We are all human, all subject to the making the same bad decisions or all capable of rising to our highest impulses. Your brown skin and my white skin doesn't say one damned thing about who's better and who's worse as a human being, and thus who's eligible to be Hindu or not.

Seeing that we are all the same has made me realize that I, as a white German-Jewish-Norwegian-Lutheran woman, am no better and no worse than an Indian Hindu, or a Japanese Buddhist or a Brazilian practioner of Candomble. So if I want to call myself a Hindu, and you don't like it, just go busy yourself with your prayers and I'll do the same. 

Can I just say, Exactly! And this is why this blog is so useful, it is a place for us to come together and show that non-Indians can be serious about Hinduism and not just dabblers. And it is also a place where open-minded Indians come to say that we are welcome. Thank you so much to everyone!
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I've mentioned a couple of time being uncertain of non-Indian gurus. I thought I'd talk a little about that today as a follow up to yesterday.

I guess I sometimes come across as sounding like I think Indians are better or are better suited to Hinduism. That is not what I intend at all.

When it comes to spiritual leaders, I am suspicious. Partly from my dad's scientific mind influencing me and partly being jaded from what I've seen. I'm suspicious of both Indian and non-Indian gurus. My lack of trust in white gurus is a fear that there is a lack of continuity. Many Indian gurus have been groomed and installed in a long lineage.

I'm not interested in learning Indian philosophy from someone who gets high and chants the Gita. As CS put it, "I don't go for the ganga-smoking, Krishna is my Om Boy tee shirt wearing, barefoot groover as Hindu." Exactly. Couldn't have said it better myself. I've seen that sort of thing too often. (Although, my boyfriend really wants the bumper sticker that I found that says "Ganesh is my Om Boy"! I think it really suits him, too)

I've also seen and heard about spiritual leaders in India leading people astray, tricking them with faith healings like America's revival tents, preaching against material possessions while living in luxury, etc.

When it comes to looking for a spiritual leader, I am not willing to give up my own judgement and understanding. Even once I found someone that I trust, who feels authentic, whose teachings line up with what feels right to me and my experience, I am never going to just do everything that person says without carefully thinking about it first. Maybe that will slow down my spiritual progress, but it's how I am. This is why the path of devotion isn't right for me.

You don't have to be Indian to be enlightened. Duh.

You don't have to be Hindu to be enlightened (although there are several Hindus who will be thinking that actually you are Hindu, you just think you're something else!) Vedantic thought can be found at the base of just about every spiritual path. As I've said before, it's more buried in some than in others and Christianity is a tough one because it has been interpreted and remade so many, many times.

So we're back to the question of why do I imitate Indian culture?

I don't think I have an answer for that. It's not a self-hatred thing. I certainly think that anyone can find enlightenment on whatever path is right for him or her. I follow what feels right for me. As I've said before, I didn't have a culture for this to displace. There was a void and it is now happily filled.

I find that philosophy works better when blended into all the other parts of my life and I have no desire to reinvent the wheel, as the saying goes. I love Indian philosophy and I love Indian culture. The two go together pretty well.

And another perspective

There are so many different perspectives on these issues and I find it fascinating to gather all the different view points together in one place. I think it is clear that there is not one right answer and people's feelings about white Hindus depend a lot on their own background and interpretations as well as the unique individual who is trying to follow Hinduism.

A new blog I found, The Big, Bad, Blonde Bahu Blog (Bahu meaning daughter-in-law) had a really interesting post on the subject of Western Hindus. I've quoted part below, but you should really go and read the whole thing.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about it in the comments.

I’ve never known what to think of Westernized versions of Hinduism. One way a person could think of it is that it’s just another aspect of multi-culturalism—people being open to a variety of religious traditions. One could also think about it as profoundly disrespectful. It could be seen as appropriation, or as a friend of mine recently put it, “using other people’s religion or culture as a playground for rich white people." Most Indians I know openly mock Westerners who take on Eastern religions (Buddhism, Hinduism, Sikhism).

Then she tells the story of her first taste of American Hinduism, which involves chanting to a far-off guru and giving money.

...What bothered me most was what came next. The woman took out a square of carpet from a wooden box and placed a pair of sandals on it. The square of carpet, she told us, came from the actual meditation chamber of the actual guru. Some of the audience oh-ed and ah-ed as she placed it in on the floor under the guru’s photo. The woman then invited us to meditate silently while thinking of the guru. She told us that after we had finished our meditation, we could come up and touch the square of carpet, either with our heads or our hands, and then we were free to leave money if we wanted to.

I will say, I have been to similar sorts of things and felt very uncomfortable. I understand the path of devotion, but I'm a little creeped out by devotion to a guru that one has never met.

Actually hearing the guru speak and thinking he has a great philosophy, then I wouldn't be too surprised by people performing devotions to his sandals or the carpet.

Maybe because I'm wary of that mocking that she speaks of, I'm reluctant to be part of events that are all non-Indians. I don't trust a non-Indian to lead a Hindu group. (In general. There are exceptions to this, but I'm very, very cautious of them).

At the end she hangs out with the child of one of these people who says it is more his parents thing than his. That will probably be my kid some day. I hope I'm not that far out there for my poor kids!

What do you all think about the “using other people’s religion or culture as a playground for rich white people"?

Trying too Hard: a dead give-away

I was watching a favorite TV show called Bones and something happened that made me think of my own life.

There was a character who was very into all things Chinese. (He was also illegally selling Chinese weapons, because it's a mystery show). He kept his ledger in Chinese and wore Chinese clothes, and his home was all decorated Chinese, etc. Well, the police take his ledger and one of them shows it to a Chinese anthropologist. He looks at the book and says, "The man who wrote this isn't Chinese, right?" They ask how he knew and he said that the characters were too carefully formed. The writer was trying too hard and the writing looked forced and stiff, not natural.

Trying too hard.

Now, I don't think that I have this problem with my Hindi. My handwriting isn't great in English and it's not great in Hindi either.

This is a page from my exercises in my Teach Yourself Hindi book :)

But what this TV show really made me think of is that I find myself in a large chasm in-between knowing nothing and knowing as much as someone born and raised in India.

I want to approach everything as an opportunity to learn, but I have to admit that it can be irritating when people assume I don't know anything. It's hard to be quiet and polite when someone is telling me, "Well, you know, Sanskrit is this ancient language and Hindi is closely related to it...blah blah blah." Yeah, I know. I've been exposed to Sanskrit since I was in the womb.

"It's traditional for us to do this..." "We call this thing, this..." I have trouble being talked down to and I don't like feeling like I'm being treated like an idiot. I know they are well meaning and want to help me understand.

And of course, sometimes, I really don't know! There are terms and traditions that I have not come across yet.

So I'm in that frustrating in-between place.

I wonder sometimes if I go too far in showing what I do know. For example, I went to my dance teacher's daughter's anangatrum (graduation ceremony for dance, see now I'm doing it to other people!) and I gave a gift of a murti and an auspicious amount of money.

I vaguely wonder (but I'm not stressed about it or anything) if knowing that a certain number is auspicious is seen as me "fitting in" or as me trying too hard. Does the move look natural or studied?

I find that I'm afraid that if I choose not to do something or follow some tradition, it will be seen as me not knowing about it rather than the regular choice that people make in their religions.

Therefore I follow a lot of things very traditionally just so I won't look ignorant.

(I know, I know, as usual I have to stop wondering what other people are thinking!)

How You Spend a Saturday

The boyfriend and I were just hanging out on my couch and watching old TV episodes when there was a knock on my door.

Two young men were there to talk to me about their new hope church. They were friendly and polite and we chatted about my dog for a moment.

They had a survey to ask people about their beliefs. Maybe some days I would be in the mood to go through that, but this is a sunny, beautiful day and the boyfriend and I are enjoying our time together.

So I told the guys that I was Hindu and not interested in church.

"Oh," one said, undeterred, "That's important for us to know."

"Would you mind telling us about your beliefs?" The other asked.

Again, maybe sometimes I might have the energy for that. But really I don't feel like putting in a lot of effort to explain Hinduism to people who are strongly biased against it.

As friendly as they are, and as much as they like to tell themselves that they are open minded, they aren't. They already know the answer and the only reason they want to hear my beliefs is so they can find ways to tear holes in them.

I'm not much of a debater and these conversations always leave me feeling drained and discouraged and they go back to being the same Christians they were before the discussion and I go back to being the same Hindu I was. No convincing is going to take place here.

The only thing that telling them my beliefs would change is that it would give them knowledge about Hinduism that they could use to develop ammunition to try to convert other Hindus.

I knew a Christian girl in college who encouraged her Christian group to attend a dinner that the Muslim Student Association was holding (they were doing the dinner as a way for people to get to know more about Islam, in a spirit of peace, so we could all get along). This girl told people to go to learn about Islam so that they could learn how to better proselytize them to Christianity. She was a sweet girl, but what a disgusting thing to do!

Watch this incredibly irritating video of two ignorant Christian girls trying to convince their "friend" Saraswati that she's going to hell:



I don't know why Saraswati continued to talk with these girls, but I have no interest in subjecting myself to this kind of thing :)

Another Voice

I was going back through comments on some of the older posts here and came across this comment that I wanted to bring to everyone's attention. I think this woman illustrates really well the frustration of feeling kept out of a religion that one is drawn to:

CS said...
I found this blog while in a particularly frustrated mood about religion and ethnicity and fitting in. I am a white woman married to an Indian Hindu man, and have grown exceedingly tired and frustrated by these on-line discssions that insist that white people MUST NOT EVEN THINK of converting to Hinduism.

All the same reasons come up: we have no caste, the colonial legacy, which we, British or not, will be expected to pay for until the end of time, supposed scriptural references, we white people are all corrupt, or pretenders or looking for a cheap exotic thrill, or we don't know enough when not to enter a temple (during a woman's period)...

I get the feeling that the Indian born Hindus who insist that we stay in our places, thank you, feel a sense of smug superiority - we want something they have, and we're just not allowed because we're not good enough. We're polluting.

But I have been to India with hubby many times. And I have seen things first hand. Many things. Materialism, greed, no respect for elders, et cetera. As well as generosity, kindness, great love, acceptance. So I agree, Aamba, we are all the same.

We are all part of the human race, like it or not, and Hinduism is out there in the marketplace of ideas, and as irritated as that must make some Indian Hindus, too late. Too bad. Don't come telling us white people how wonderful your religion is, how superior, how advanced and perfected it it, and then say, "Oh no! Not for you, no way! You keep out! Respect us but DO NOT EVEN THINK OF PARKING HERE!" [emphasis added]

Am I angry? Just a little! I hate hypocrisy. And I've seen more than my fair share of late. I've tried so hard over these many years of marriage to fit in, hubby says there's no Hindu pope who says you can't be Hindu, so chill out, stop getting so worked up. And then I'm okay for a while.

But then I read or hear something and get mad all over again.

Is Hinduism for white people worth the struggle? If what you want is communal acceptance, it's dicey. If what you want is a personal, private communion with your inner self and with your conception of the Divine, then yes, it is.

Maybe our answer, as white Hindus, is to create a community for others in our position, to take what is good and pure and sacred in Hinduism that transcends race and ethnicity and caste and create a "Western Hinduism", much like western Buddhists have done.

I don't know what the solution to this is. I'm hoping that this blog will help to spread the idea to born-Hindus that there are non-Indians out there who take being a Hindu seriously.

So far you all have given wonderful, positive responses, so I am hopeful!

CS's idea of having a group of Western Hindus doesn't seem like a good solution to me personally. I feel that is what I had in my organization growing up. We had Indian philosophy with British social traditions. It isn't that they didn't work together, they do. Not surprisingly, I do believe that Vedanta philosophy is The Truth (otherwise, I wouldn't be here doing what I'm doing) and if it is a universal Truth, then it would fit any society.

They emphasize making philosophy practical and applicable to everyday life. There is little to no ritual. It is focused on questions of how to be blissfully happy and discovering our purpose for being here.

It just didn't quite work for me. It seemed like a lobotomy to strip off the Indian-ness from the Vedanta. However, that might just be me feeling very connected Indian culture. It may have to do with my own personal past lives.

I don't know where you live, CS, but you might enjoy Philosophy School's take. Here are some links for you to check out. The first link is the one I grew up belonging to and my parents are still very active there.

Advaita Meditation Center
Philosophy School New York (Also with branches in various other U.S. cities)
School of Economic Science London

Or try a group historically welcoming to the non-Indians like Chinmaya, Himalayan Academy, or ISKON.

And no matter what, hold your head up high and don't let people badger you into believing that you aren't a Hindu. Your husband is right, you already are. It's exhausting sometimes, but we are the ones who have to be visible and show over time that white people can be good and devoted Hindus. Eventually enough people will see us that it will no longer be such a strange thing.

(By the way, on the caste issue I discovered some interesting things that I'll be posting about soon.)

Culture and Language

One of the things that makes me so excited to learn a new language is that I know that languages are not just codes of one another. It's not that you memorize the word for this and the word for that in another language, then put it together and you're done.

Languages are connected to thought and to culture. The way a language expresses something is indicative of its way of seeing the world. A new language means a new way to see the world. You Are What You Speak

Some people who are multilingual talk about being comfortable with different things in different languages. For example, emotions they prefer to speak about in their native language. Last night I was watching an Indian movie and a couple of fathers were trying to discuss a marriage in English, but one says, "You want to talk business? Talk business in Gujrati."

I've been reading lately the idea that one of the challenges to becoming billingual is a deep-seated fear that as we use the new language and leave our native one behind, that we feel we are losing a part of our culture. As The White Indian Housewife said in her blog entry after reading Dreaming in Hindi:

I just don’t want to learn Hindi anymore, or even speak it much. My mother in law accuses me of having forgotten my Hindi. I haven’t though. It’s just reluctant to come out!
This has disturbed me and left me wondering why. However, much to my relief the book offers some explanation. As the author says, when we learn a language, we learn an entire culture. There comes a point where that culture starts taking over. And in order for that to happen, you must give up some of your own culture. Learning a new language also changes the way your brain thinks and operates.
I think my problem stems from the fact that I’ve been in India for quite a long time now (it will be five years in December!), and I’ve adapted so much to Indian culture that I’m fighting to retain my own culture. In the beginning, I almost tried to become Indian to fit in. I took it very seriously. Now that fitting in (as much as possible!) comes quite naturally to me, I’m starting to feel like I’ve lost a part of myself.

I guess I'm not far along in Hindi yet to notice anything like that. So far, I love Hindi and I love speaking it. Of course, I don't live in India either, so there isn't much danger of me losing touch with my Americaness.

Two concerns I do have are that 1) I keep being told that text book Hindi is not what people really speak which makes me worry that I'm wasting my time and makes keeping my motivation up very difficult and 2) some of the blogs of moms raising bilingual children in a non-native language talk about the fear of not fully connecting to their children because they are not sharing their native tongue with them and are only relating to them through a second language. I reassure myself that 1) once I have text book Hindi down, it will be easy to modify into colloquial and 2) I can stop this bilingual idea with my kids any time if it is not feeling right. Also, I will be speaking English with them outside of our home.

But the fear of losing my own sense of culture? Not there at all. Then again, one of my problems has been that I don't feel like I have a culture.

I have seen some people arguing for and against the idea that there is an American culture. I suppose that there is. Maybe I'm too close to it to see that it exists. I don't feel any connection to it, in any case.

Here are two perspectives on white American culture. The first is from MissTam4 at Ravelry.com, the knitting website. This is something she said in response to talking about children who are half white and half black relating to the culture of their white parent:

I’m white. I couldn’t possibly care less about being white or if my kids are white. I have no “culture” to speak of other than the normal “American” type culture that we all have (whatever race we are, as Americans)...As white people, we really do not have a “culture” or any kind of “solidarity”. The only solidarity white people have as a group is, frankly, the desire to exclude all others. Unless your husband has a specific national culture that he wants to pass on, (e.g. his family is recently immigrated from somewhere and the culture of that country is still strong in his family) there really isn’t anything TO pass on to his children regarding their whiteness. On the other hand, if your family is like most black families I know, YOU have a rich and wonderful American sub-culture to pass on to your children. It gives them a sense of belonging and solidarity and history that white folk simply DO NOT HAVE. .. I’m American. I’m white. So what? The only culture or history I have or care about is the same stuff every kid will learn in school- Columbus, Pilgrims, Revolutionary War, Abe Lincoln, McDonald’s, blue jeans, apple pie.

Gori Girl has a wonderful essay about cultural identity and whether Indian culture is any richer than American culture. I highly recommend reading the whole thing, but here is one relevant bit:

Let’s get one thing straight: cultures – all cultures – are constantly changing. And by culture here, I mean “the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes a society” – i.e. culture is the sum of all learned human behaviors in a particular society. What one generation learns from the previous will change as a society adapts to different conditions. The rate of the change that a culture goes through will generally vary based on the internal and external conditions or pressures a society faces, such as technological innovation, changing resources, and contact with other cultures.
For example, most Americans today would not be able to survive for very long in the wild, but the pioneers in the early days of our nation certainly could and did. As “frontier America” transformed into towns and cities knowing how to live off the land became a less important skill than those that allowed you to work in an office or factory in town...It’s not that culture continuity requires that a culture stays the same – that’s impossible – just that certain central aspects of a culture, such as particular beliefs or traditions, remain. To return to the example of “living off the land” in the US, while most Americans can’t survive out in the wild, there remains an ethos of individuality in American culture: a belief that a person should be able to stand on his own two feet without help from others or the government, just as pioneers were required to do.

I wonder, if I did manage to integrate myself into an Indian way of life within America if I would start missing something or feel like I had given up part of myself.

Personally I am of the school of thought that American culture is not very rich. Not yet, anyway. We are still a very young country and our culture is still developing.

Many ethnic groups in America do keep their own wonderful traditions and I know that I strongly felt the lack of that growing up. I was jealous of my best friend's Jewish traditions.

Part of the problem may also have been that I don't relate to a lot of the things that might be considered American culture. As I've said before, participating in Indian culture has felt like coming home to me, has felt so natural and so right.

EDITED TO ADD: Another perspective on this that I just found at a blog called Big, Bad, Blonde Bahu Blog She talks about her Catholic culture and her distaste for people saying that India is better because it has more culture.

Immitation and Flattery

Lately I've been reading a lot of language blogs, written by people who are becoming fluent in many languages. I'm going to talk about two of them today.

The first is Fluent in 3 Months. The writer, Benny, picks interesting linguistic challenges for himself every 3 months and the one I just finished reading is becoming Brazilian.

Not just to speak Portuguese fluently (and at the start he already knew it very well), but to speak it so well and behave so Brazilian that Brazilians would think he was a native.

This seemed a little shocking to me, a little like what I get accused of doing. "You can't ever be Indian, so why are you acting like it?"

I wondered if the Brazilians would be offended by what he was doing.

They were not. They were delighted and told him he was certainly "Brazilian at heart." When he started, Benny listed his reasons why he loves Brazilians and their culture and he said that he wanted to imitate them because he admired them. "I highly respect Brazilians, and even idolise them. Their way of living and enjoying life is something that Europeans and North Americans could learn a lot from...[B]ecoming Brazilian is an important attempt for me to try to understand the culture a little better; from the inside. Also, imitation is the best form of flattery! There is no culture that I have grown so fond of as I have with the Brazilian one, so I want to learn as much as I can about how they think, and how they live their lives. I’ll try to adapt my outward appearance and general behaviour to the Brazilian style."

Here is his list of what he loves about Brazilians.

This is a parallel to me in so many ways. I'll have to put together a list of what I love about Indians and Indian culture. It's hard to classify. I know that I love time spent in the Indian community and I miss it tremendously when I'm not around it!

Could I ever blend in? Well, as I said to K when she told me I looked "almost Indian" in my sari, maybe with some self-tanner. :)

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The other inspiration that I've been taking from these language blogs is being unafraid.

They talk about being brave enough to speak a language you are learning and to not worry about embarrassing yourself. That's something I need help on with language (I still pass up great opportunities to test out my Hindi out of shyness and nervousness), but also in general life. That is a major part of what I have been trying to learn, to live without the fear of what people are thinking about me.

Great inspiration for that here:

Nobody's Judging You

Secret to Overcoming Shyness

Embarrassing Mistakes


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Lastly, a great message from the owner of Gnaana.com, a speech about the importance of passing on Indian culture to one's children when living in America.

http://www.gnaana.com/newsletter/KCA_Speech.htm

Zealous

I'm always reading stories about other converts, regardless of which religion they are moving to or from. There seems to be a quality that converts have in common and which I'd love to study more and read more about. That is their zeal.

To some extent, people born in a religion can take it for granted and it can be uncomfortable to see people new to it who have so much excitement to do everything.

Here you are, you've been X religion all your life and you've settled into a groove with it, doing the parts that make sense to you and leaving some of it. Your name is X and your looks are X, so it has always been part of your identity and you don't have to do anything to hold onto it.

Now here comes someone who has just discovered how amazing and wonderful X religion is and he is doing every ritual and looks at you in surprise when you don't do something that is usually a part of X religion. This person studies and questions and asks about things you've never heard of before and their enthusiasm is exhausting and pretty annoying.

But converts can't help it!

Through Memoirs of a Jewminicana I found an article about a Jewish woman whose husband converted to marry her, but then took everything very seriously.

In the comments a girl named Rebecca said, "But realistically, who converts to be lukewarm about something."

Michelle responded:

You nailed it Rebecca. Someone told me about a year after my conversion that he was surprised at how familiar I was with services and rituals and how knowledgeable I was about Judaism in general. I couldn’t figure out why he would think I would be anything less. It’s hard for me to imagine someone converting who wasn’t passionate about it and didn’t want to immerse herself into the faith, the tradition and the community in a significant way.

-TabletMag.com

Clothes

I am truly surprised that traditional Indian clothes have not made more of an impression in America.

As much as I love sari, I can understand that people find them intimidating, but salwar kameez suits are the ideal clothes!

From what I've heard, these originated in the North and Pakistan (probably originally a Muslim way of dressing, but now embraced by many because of how practical they are) and are sometimes called Punjab suits for that region. They are the best of both worlds between a dress and pants. Plus you don't have to worry about what pieces go together in an outfit.

Suits have pants of various different styles, sometimes very loose, sometimes tighter, and then a tunic over the top and a scarf called a dupatta. The scarf can be worn/draped in many different ways. The three pieces are designed to work together, so they are made of the same fabric and design. They are very beautiful and graceful, but you can also have a full range of motion in them because of the pants.

Try as a I might, I have not started a fashion trend of these in the West. I really don't understand why!

Here are pictures of a few different types of suits (these come from the website http://www.entertainmentpk.com/salwar-kameez-designs.html, which also has info on the history)





I buy mine from a variety of places: Ebay, Sari Palace (a store in MD), and salwar.com My cousin also gave me some of her old ones and my parents got some for me when they visited India. You can even have these stitched to exactly match your measurements.

Here's one from www.salwar.com:


Saris are also not that hard to figure out and they are, in my opinion, the most beautiful and elegant clothing ever invented. I feel like a queen when I wear one.

(Image from AboutHinduism)

People of about grandmother age now often wear sari every day. My parents told me about seeing women helping to carry concrete to a construction site in India, all wearing sari.

There are also dresses called Lengtha Choli (they have other names as well). That consists of a top (choli, same as a sari blouse) and a long and flowy skirt. They also have a scarf. These are really fancy for a big party, but easy to put on and to wear. I have a lilac one that I frequently wear to weddings.

(Image from FashionMyDream.Blogspot)


I have heard that in India "ethnic" clothes have been looked down on in the past. Wearing traditional clothes makes you seem old-fashioned and there are night clubs that will only let you in if you are wearing Western clothes. But the West doesn't do everything better!

Thank goodness it looks like there are trends back to "ethnic" clothing, and now young people often mix a suit top (kurta) with jeans, etc.Trend in Indian Clothes

These really are wonderful clothes and better than so many Western styles!

Something interesting I've noticed is that in ancient cultures, it seems to be the women who hang onto the clothing. I was watching the Jessica Simpson Price of Beauty episode in Africa and it called to mind so many times of seeing a similar effect. There was a wedding happening and all the people from the African village gathered in their finest clothes. The women wore traditional clothing and the men wore Western suits. This seems to happen all over. I can tell you what the traditional Korean dress for women looks like, but have no idea of the men's. Often I see Indian women wearing traditional clothes each day and the men wearing Western (and part of that might be that in these cases the men have jobs in America and have to wear clothes considered appropriate to the American job market). At temple I see some men wearing kurta (long shirt) with jeans and only the priests wear dhoti. No judgement call on that, I just found it to be an interesting observation.

I hope that at least Indian inspired clothing will gain in popularity here because they really are comfortable, beautiful and practical. I really appreciate the Indian love of design and color.

Women and Hinduism

The issue of women in Hinduism for me is as conflicted as the issue of arranged marriage (Arranged Marriage). On the surface it is easy to see that women are often treated as less important than men and leave it at that. The truth is much more complicated.

So, on the one hand: Within society women are often treated as less important, lower souls, whose only purpose in life is to cook, clean, and obey their mother-in-laws. For some reason an idea came up that to be born as a woman is a lesser embodiment and that all souls strive to be men in their births. (This is completely ridiculous, seeing as how we need both genders for the world to keep functioning. A human birth is the highest, but there is no distinction between what gender or race of human birth). Women are sometimes treated quite terribly in India. Families they are marrying into might require a crippling dowry from her family (even though dowries are now illegal) and sometimes young brides are killed by their new families for being "disobedient."

There is an ancient tradition called sati in which women would throw themselves onto the funeral pyres of their husbands and burn alive. This was seen as such a beautiful devotion that sometimes girls have been forced into funeral pyres. This practice is also illegal. Historically widows have been treated very poorly in society. It is sometimes seen as their fault that their husbands died, some bad karma of theirs. Until recently they would be forced to live secluded in "widows houses" for the rest of their lives and forbidden to wear nice clothes or jewelry.

When a young bride first goes to her new home, in some places it is tradition for her to be taken straight to the kitchen to cook a perfectly round roti (like a tortilla) to prove her worth in household duties.

All this from a culture who worships goddesses. A very mixed message, to be sure. I think the pure ideals of Hinduism have been somewhat corrupted by human thought. This idea of the man being superior is not part of the religion, it's just a habit of men to think that way because they have the power. There is such a strong ideal for a woman to worship her husband as her Lord, but too often people forget that the husband is also to adore his wife as the goddess.

The perfect marriage in Hindu tradition is that of Rama and Sita. Women are taught to strive to be like Sita, who is perfect in devotion. When her husband, a prince, chose exile in a forest, she willingly followed him in all his hardship. But he also cares for her and goes to the ends of the earth to rescue her when she is kidnapped. Even in hunting the golden deer for her, he always wanted to make her happy.

Being a modern and independent woman has been a tremendous struggle for me. I still have in my mind all the stories of good women who were meek, obeyed their husbands, and were phenomenal at housework. I was taught to always cook fresh food, never serve my family leftovers, to do housework with no expectation of praise or reward. I expected to be a housewife when I grew up and adjusting to the fact that I have come into a modern life and have to work has been difficult.

Sometimes I want very much to be strong and independent and capable and self-sufficient and all these things that women in the west are praised for. I am learning how to do that because I'm dating a modern American man and my plans for an arranged marriage did not work out at all. But sometimes I feel guilt over not being better at the housework. My instincts are still strongly traditional and old-fashioned. That is something that I will struggle with for a long time, I'm sure.

But my role model is no longer the woman who lit her husband's oil lamp for so many years that he forgot who she was, I strive now to be like the great princess Draupadi.

The most famous story of Draupadi is the dice game. For those who don't know it: Draupadi was married to five brothers (yes, at the same time). One of them was in a dice match with an evil Uncle who was cheating. As the brother became more and more involved in the game he was unable to stop wagering things and he staked and lost all of his brothers and himself and finally their wife.

Draupadi was dragged into the hall by her hair, while in her period. She looked to her husbands to defend her honor, but they were gambled away and were only slaves now. The evil cousins tell Draupadi that she is also a slave now and to take off her clothes. They call her a slut for having five husbands (there's a story behind that, it was her destiny and had to happen that way). She argues that because her husband had already lost himself before staking her that she no longer belonged to him and could not be gambled away. "Can one belong to someone who has lost himself?"

The king, presiding over this, says that it does not make a difference and she has been lost. One of the evil cousins comes over to strip off her clothes and she prays to Krishna. Her sari will not end. He pulls and pulls and pulls on the pallu and it just keeps going, never disrobing her. Soon he is in a mountain of cloth and she is still clothed. She raises her hands in prayer and a jackal cries.

The king is so freaked that he tells her to choose a favor. She asks that her husbands be free. The king does so and offers another favor, but she refuses. He asks her why she wants nothing for herself.

"Greed destroys all things," she replies, "I refuse greed. Save my husbands."

One cousin comments, "Husbands were drowning and Draupadi is the raft that saves them."

(all quoted dialogue is from the translation in the Peter Brooks' Mahabharata).

Now there is a fierce, strong role model for women. Still a great wife, but also confident and sure in herself. They needed her and she saved them.

It is my hope that Hinduism will move more toward revering women as goddesses and respecting their unique power to create life. I think the scriptures support the idea that all are equally divine. It is not just the female saints like Amma and those who call to mind the divine mother, it is all females. They deserve respect and love and to be cherished by their husbands and their husbands' families.

Chinmaya

I am not sure that I can stick with the twice a week thing. I like to just write when I'm inspired. I'd love feedback from all of you on which you would prefer. One friend has mentioned that you can sign up with the RSS feed to get all postings as emails.
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It is true that I have been longing for a community for a long time. I've moved around a lot and I haven't been able to settle in anywhere until now. If any of you are Dr. Who fans, I feel rather like the Doctor in The Waters Of Mars, when he's starting to get a little crazy from being the only one like him. It's not a good idea to practice Hinduism without any guidance, going only on your own memory and maybe some reading. In many cases, one would have a guru who is more advanced to teach and help along the path. I have been lacking that.

But I think I have found the solution.

I've talked before about the organization I grew up in. It had been known at that time as The Philosophy School. The leader of the school would go to India every few years and speak with the guru, one of the Chankaracharyas (teachers of Shankara). The Vedantic philosophy was brought to us, but all the social customs were British (the school was founded in England). We would gather for class with a tutor and ten or so other people once a week, and on Saturday mornings we would have a work party, where people would gather to do work around the house the organization owned. Once advanced enough, people would also have a night of the week to be a tutor. Also, we went on frequent weekend retreats, and over the summer week retreats.

This past weekend, on Saturday, I went to the local Chinmaya mission building for SEVA day, which I read about on their web page http://www.chinmayadc.org/. It is a yearly celebration of the founder's birthday and the day starts with service around the building. After that there is a puja, singing of bhajans (hymns), and prasad (eating of food that has been blessed).

I got there half an hour early, but people were already there and working. I volunteered myself and was first instructed to have lunch. I was brought to the kitchen part of the building and seated next to the Swami-ji (the leader). A swirl of ladies served a full South Indian meal and I ate with the Swami-ji and a bunch of children. (South Indian food is an acquired taste, which I do not have. The food in Indian restaurants in America is North Indian because that's what American tastes can handle. I was an extremely picky eater as a child and only started eating even the North Indian food a few years ago. I struggled through the meal I am sorry to say).

Then I set off for the garage and helped take everything out, sweep and wash the floor, build shelves, and reorganize things to go back in. I chatted with people and for most of the work I was paired with a lovely young woman who seemed about my age (although she, unlike me, is married and has two children). Everyone was friendly and welcoming and they teased me about coming for the work when they found out it was my first time there. It felt exactly like a work party and it made me ache for missing Philosophy School. Yet, it was a good ache, because I knew that I had found my Philosophy School.

My Dad joined the Philosophy School when he was just a year or two younger than I am now. I wonder what it felt like to him to discover it. I know that I felt like I was coming home. I called my Dad when I was driving home and told him that I had found Philosophy School for Indian people.

Almost everyone there was Indian, I saw only two other non-Indians. When I was growing up there were no Indians in Philosophy School and no other minorities either, it was pretty much all white. That is no longer the case, but it is still mostly white. (My parents, who I think obsess about offending people, have told me that they think it is offensive for me to call myself white. I guess they think it looks like I'm setting myself apart. As much as I'd like to fit in, I don't. I am very pale. My parents think that I should be careful about pointing that out because of sensitivities in India over skin color and the preference for light skin. They think I should call myself simply a westerner, but that seems at least equally offensive to me. It seems to me that to distinguish myself from people of Indian descent by saying that I am a westerner is to imply that the kids who grew up here in America and in Britain are not. It would be like saying that they are less American than I am because they have darker skin, even though our ancestors arrived in America around the same time. This is not at all, by the way, a criticism of the Western Hindu blog. I think he is very clear about how he is using that word and it is not to divide. However, for me, the thing that makes me feel like I stick out and I can't belong is only my skin, not the place of my birth. I guess I just have to call myself a non-Indian. Although, I'm sure my parents will think of a reason why that's offensive).

Everyone I met at Chinmaya was delighted to see me. I learned about their structure. It seems that there are weekend lectures about Vedanta (philosophy) from the Swami-ji and then there are study groups during the week where people gather in groups of around ten to discuss. I also met one of the leaders of the youth group who I had been emailing with. The youth group is very active and involved and three or four of them were there at SEVA. They were all much younger than I am, but they expressed excitement to have me join.

I also discovered that they have very organized children's programs that lead up through the grades to the youth group and then to adult members. The kids have a sort-of Sunday school during the weekend lectures and they learn language, culture, and values.

I am so delighted to have found this. As I have been lately thinking a lot about having children and I have worried a little bit about how to raise them with my values and the things I had growing up when I don't have Philosophy School to send them to. (Also, my boyfriend isn't crazy about some of the Philosophy School teachings and policies and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't allow our kids to go there anyway!). Chinmaya is the perfect place for our future children to learn culture and values along with other kids and families.

When I mentioned this to my Dad on the phone, he said my kids will really stick out and be different. I think it will take a while for the little ones to notice that my children have lighter skin. By the time they start processing the differences, they will already be friends.

The Chinmaya program is wrapping up for the summer, so I'm going to go to the lecture next weekend and then in the fall I can sign up.
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There was a request a while ago to talk about pronunciation of the Indian words I use, so I'll have to write about that soon. I'll also talk about the differences between Sanskrit and Hindi and some of the many other Indian languages.

I'll be going back and updating my first Hindi post with more web links and resources. I want to keep all of that in one place. I have found that there isn't a centralized place to find all the available products and programs for Hindi learning and I want to create such a place even if it's just for my own reference.

Oh, and check out these great toys I found:

Desi Doll
Avatar Puzzle
Chota Chef
Hindi Alphabet Blocks

Oh, and I find it rather hilarious that the ad currently displaying beneath my posts is for scientology! Now there are some people who think they already have the answers. Not sure how my blog attracted that ad, but it makes me laugh every time I see it.

Issue of First Impression

This is a phrase that gets used in my paralegal studies. It means that if there is an issue before a court, you can look to previous decisions in that State to see what the outcome should be, but if this issue has never happened in your State, you have to look to other States for similar cases (ones that are "on point" with the facts of your case) and try to persuade a judge to make that ruling.

Conversion in Hinduism is, I think, an issue of first impression. We do not have guidelines of how it would work. So, we need to look at other, similar cases for guidance.

The question here is whether one should join the culture when joining the religion? This was brought up to me by a friend who reads this blog. There is some question of why I can't just practice Hinduism without "acting Indian." I personally believe that the two are so closely linked that it is not possible to separate them without losing vital parts of the religion.

Let's look for some on point cases to help us with this question.

Christianity is not a similar case. Conversion in Christianity is strongly encouraged, which is unlike the facts of our case. Also, there is no "Christian culture." It is practiced by a wide variety of people in places all over the world. The way Christianity does interact with culture is that when one converts to Christianity, one must give up any actions, cultural or otherwise, that go against the principles of the religion. This can be very strict. What ties Christians together is social many times. Worship services are always on Sundays (as far as I know). Worship always includes supplicant prayers and readings or stories from the Bible and often music. All the churches I know of include a social hour afterwards where people enjoy cookies together. If there is a Christian culture, I guess those things are it. We will not be able to take much advice of how to treat Hindu converts or how Hindu converts should behave from this.

I think Judaism is a perfect on point example. Judaism, like Hinduism, is an ethnicity as well as a religion. Conversion is not encouraged in Judaism. Traditionally people are turned away from studying toward conversion at least three times. No effort is made by Jews to bring in others. However, they do have a system in place for those times when others insist on joining.

The wikihow on converting to Judaism says "Judaism is a major commitment which will affect every part of your life, will last as long as you live, and may even transfer to your children." (emphasis added).

In order to become a Jew, you have to study the religion, history, and culture for at least a year. You have to start "living a Jewish life" according to the authority above.

At the end of the studies you will be tested and, if passing, go through a ritual bath.

Also from the wikihow page: "When one becomes a Jew, they[sic] will acquire a Jewish name."

Clearly, in converting to Judaism, it is expected that you will also integrate into the culture and be as fully integrated into it as you can.

This makes a lot of sense to me for Hinduism as well. (Not that I think intensive study and ritual will be required by everyone. There is at least one group that has this in place already, others who don't believe in conversion at all, and others who say that as long as you behave like a Hindu then you are. I don't think uniformity is going to happen there.) We wouldn't expect someone to convert to Judaism, but avoid going to a temple, or keeping kosher, or covering the hair (if Orthodox). Converts to any branch of Judaism would certainly be welcome to celebrate the holidays, have Shabbat dinners, etc. Why are we surprised by converts to Hinduism doing similar things?

I also came across this article by an Orthodox Jew about why ethnicity and race should not matter at all in the practice of Judaism: http://www.beingjewish.com/identity/race.html I think this could also be applicable.

I do think that it makes sense to integrate into the culture of one's new religion. If all you do is join a hippie American group whose leader is thirty-five and likes the Gita, then you've lost the connection to the ancient heritage. As I said to my friend, why join what is arguably the world's oldest religion and not try to connect to its tradition?

Here is a list I came across of famous converts to Hinduism. I'm sure some of these people would not have considered themselves Hindu, but simply followed Vedic philosophy, as my parents do, but others clearly labeled themselves as Hindu and some took on Indian names:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_converts_to_Hinduism

Westeners choosing different paths

I've been reading through the back posts at Western Hindu (see link in the side bar). It's very interesting because he is someone who has taken a slightly different approach to mine.

He started learning about Hinduism in part from Chinmaya, a Smarta organization, but decided to follow the Himalayan Academy instead. They follow Shaivism and I've talked about them before. They are the people behind Hinduism Today and the ones who actually have a conversion ritual for those who wish to join Hinduism. I respect them a great deal, but their philosophy is too devotional for me. It seems that the man at Western Hindu felt the opposite. That he respected Smarta, but it was not devotional enough. He writes:

"Firstly the course expounds the position of Immaterialistic Advaita Vedānta. According to this philosophy the only ultimate reality of God (or of anything) is the impersonal Brahman. They claim that the Great Gods Śiva, Viṣṇu, and Brahmā are only a deeper level of illusion, beyond the māyā of the material universe...Naturally there are some people for whom seeking God in the immaterial is the correct path, but for me bhakti or devotion to Shiva is central."

I would agree with some of that and disagree with some. First, yes, in Advaita Vedanta, the various gods are all part of the hierarchy that is only present in illusion. In reality there is only one, and we do call it Brahman, but the name is not what is important. You could call the ultimate reality Shiva if you wanted to, or Bob.

To say that Advaita is "impersonal" seems very odd to me. Yes, you don't have a "personal relationship with Shiva" (or Jesus, since that's a phrase evangelical Christians use a lot). But you don't have to because God is not some being far above you that you need to become friends with. God is inside you. God IS you. It doesn't get more personal than that.

In other of his posts I was startled to find that he makes the argument that if it were Hinduism that had spread like wildfire over the Western world, there would have been no Inquisition or other violence because Hinduism is a tolerant religion.

This seems very naive to me. On paper, Hinduism is a tolerant religion, but so is Christianity. People don't need much excuse for violence and Hinduism does include a warrior caste. There is also strong support in its scriptures for the idea of a holy war.

Sadly, Hindus have participated in bloody riots and massacres against people of different religions into the present day. Like most religions, Hinduism does have an extremist branch. Western Hindu might argue that they are misunderstanding the religion and their behavior cannot define the vast numbers of peaceful Hindus. I tend to agree, except he did criticize Christianity for saying things like “No Christian would ever do this, that or the other. The Christian Terrorists are not true Christians. The Branch Davidian [are] not true Christians. The Catholics, Westboro Baptists or whoever that you don’t agree with are not true Christians." So, I don't think we can distance ourselves from Hindu extremism for the same reason.

Some points he make that I really like are about the gross misunderstandings that Westerners tend to have about what Hinduism is about. For example, he writes:

"The average Westerner knows very little about Hinduism, especially the underlying philosophies and beliefs. They will have heard about things like the Kama Sutra and sacrificing animals to Kali and believe that these are mainstream tenets of Hinduism , because this is what the media often portrays. This a natural affect of the coverage, many people in the UK think that a US policeman will shoot a criminal at least once a week because of what they see on crime dramas, whereas I have read that it is actually a very rare occurrence.

Also “strange TV” sells, so we have seen things like a recent tv program that shown Hindu Sadhus hanging large rocks from their penises. Many people have no idea that this is alien to the average Hindu! There have been programs showing Christians handling poisonous snakes, whipping themselves until they are covered with blood, and shouting in “tongues” at scared children they believe to be possessed, but people in the West have the background knowledge to know that this does not go on in most local churches.

The end result is that many people think they know about Hinduism when what they actually know is either a marginal practice carried out by a handful of people, or is wrong. Some have such an ingrained opinion that they will even argue when they are corrected.

Also, I wanted to show that Hinduism is often seen as fair game by people who want to ridicule it, even though they won’t ridicule Christianity or Islam. This often happens because the backlash if Christians boycotted them would hurt economically, and that Muslims are perceived as a threat – though of course they suffer from the problem that minority activities are perceived as mainstream by the public too. Can you imagine someone bringing out a film called “the Love Pope” or “The Love Imam”?"

All in all, a very interesting read and I look forward to continuing to learn from his journey.

Basu brought up in a comment on the last post that there are concepts of hell in Hinduism. That is true. I was simplifying a bit when I said that there weren't. There are multiple hells and heavens in Hindu mythology, but what makes them different from the Christian idea is that these hells and heavens are temporary. Some believe that after life a soul goes to one of these to work through some of their sanskara, good or bad, before returning to be reincarnated in the world. This makes a lot more sense to me than the Christian definition and I'll turn again to the Western Hindu to explain why:

"I think that the idea of eternal hell can only make sense to people who have no concept of vastness or infinity. Even a lifetime of a century is a fleeting instant from this perspective. Judging for eternity on the basis of a single life would be like releasing mice in the middle of a room and looking at the direction of the very first step they took. Those that stepped right would be given rewards for the rest of their life. Those that stepped forwards, left or backwards would be taken and tortured for the rest of their lives."

Could not possibly have said that better myself.

One last topic for today. Yesterday we went to my boyfriend's niece's Catholic baptism. It was a bit of an odd and uncomfortable experience. I didn't want to draw attention or be contrary on a day devoted to the lovely little baby, so I wore Western dress (unusual for me these days) and I picked a decorative bindi so that it would look more like jewelry and less like a statement. No one commented on that, so I think it worked.

I was surprised that the Priest made blanket assumptions about all the people at the church. I guess that's just part of the ritual, but he had the friends and family chanting the Lord's Prayer and "reconfirming your own baptism." Why would he think we were all baptized to begin with? (I was as a baby, but that is beside the point!). We were supposed to state "I agree" to statements like "The lord Jesus is my savior" and such. I was in the front row and tried to keep my face forward so no one in his family would see that I wasn't saying any of the prayers or the agreements.

That kind of thing really makes me want to be argumentative and point out that I'm not Christian and I'm just there to support my boyfriend's wonderful and welcoming family. But I was good. I didn't say anything. Basically just for the sake of my boyfriend's sister, for whom I care very much.

People similar to me

[EDITED: I just realized that the title of this post could be taken a way I totally didn't mean...changing it now! Great example of how learning another language is a really difficult experience. Saying "People like me" could mean what the title now says or it could mean "You like me, you really like me" and the difference is in tone only, even though English is not a tonal language. Argh!)

I was doing some Internet searches and I came across much more encouraging things than I have in the past.

On one webpage, a man asks, "How are whites received by the Hindu community? My instinct tells me that I'd be met with some xenophobia and seen as an outsider and an oddity; something of a wanna-be."

The responses are very encouraging, telling him that it is common to see white people at temples now. (I've never seen that, but I've been too shy to go all that often).

I haven't read through it yet, but I also found a blog http://western-hindu.org/ about someone who is a westerner and a convert to Hinduism.

Another blog I found that I'm really enjoying is about a Dominican woman who converted to Orthodox Judaism. Reading through her posts, it's remarkable how much converts have in common, regardless of the religion they are moving to. A couple of things that were very familiar were when she talked about how she felt her soul had always been Jewish and that when she learned about how God was viewed in Judaism it matched exactly the belief she already had in her heart. Her struggles to be accepted in a tight-knit group of people who are a different ethnicity from her are very inspiring. http://www.alizahausman.net/

I haven't been back to the temple since Ram Navami, but I feel so encouraged by the recent things I've found that I'm going to go back soon. I'm also thinking about signing up for some of the programs offered by Chinmaya Mission. They are a world-wide organization with a reputation for being welcoming of all Hindus.

I've been so worried about coming across, as the man above said, like a "wanna-be", but I have to learn to accept that I can't control how others will view me. It really is okay if people think I'm doing this because it's exotic or cool, I know my own reasons and that is all that matters.

Worship

I've spoken before about temples, called Mandir. Home worship is also an important part of Hinduism.

Hindu homes have shrines in them and these are often called the heart of the Hindu home.

Some go to Mandir every day, others go only to request particular things or to have a particular ritual done. These rituals are called pujas and there are simple ones that can be done at home and there are very complex ones requiring certain ingredients and mantras. There are different pujas for different occasions and for different deities.

At home the puja will usually consist of ringing a bell, lighting incense, circling a light in front of the deities (called arti), and offering fruit, flowers, and/or a mix of rice and tumeric. Sometimes the deities are bathed in water or in milk or other substances and clothed. Red kumkum powder is put on the forehead of the deity with the thumb of the right hand and the same is applied to the forehead of the devotee. Often bhajans, worship songs, will be sung or played.

A house's shrine may be an entire room, or a niche in the wall. There are small metal temples sold that one can use to house murtis (statues of the gods). The gods themselves will be ones that are connected to the region or the family. Individuals are encouraged to find a god who inspires them in particular.

I have yet to see a shrine that did not include Ganesha. He is the most beloved god and is called "the remover of obstacles." He is prayed to before starting anything new.

Puja is performed everyday. The food that was offered is shared with the members of the family. It is called prasad and is considered to be blessed. This food is consumed before any other food of the day. Also, the flowers that are offered in the puja cannot be sniffed ahead of time. The flowers' first fragrance belongs to the gods.

Tradition has it that the puja is performed at sunrise by the ladies of the household. Before it begins, they must be bathed and cleanly dressed. I will admit, I don't get up that early to do it! (Although my parents for the last thirty years have meditated for 30 minutes at every sunrise and sunset, these times of day are supposed to be filled with spiritual energy).

Cleanliness is very important in Hinduism. The right hand, considered more clean, is used for eating and for other things. Shoes are removed before entering a sacred space such as a Mandir, and because of home shrines, shoes are removed when entering a Hindu home.

Another religious practice done in the home is the blessing of new things. The home itself and big purchases like cars are blessed by a priest, who comes to the home for the ritual.

I am lucky enough in my new apartment to have a separate space for my shrine. Our one bedroom apartment came with two closets, a walk-in one and a small one. I commandeered the smaller one and set up my murtis, pictures, incense, lights, etc. I have a CD of bhajans to play. I close myself in that closet each day and perform my own simple puja.

Some different examples:










More information is available at these websites:
http://hinduism.iskcon.com/index.htm
A discussion among young American Hindus about gods and worship:
http://www.asia.si.edu/pujaonline/puja/discussion.html
I like this one because it is white people doing it!
http://noolmusic.com/utube/how_to_have_a_puja_at_home_hindus_offer_a_puja_or_worship.php
Other examples of pujas, by searching for "home puja" at YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=home+puja&aq=f


UPDATE ON LIFE:
This weekend my boyfriend and I are flying to my parents' house for my birthday. I will not be wearing my bindi. I plan to deal with that with them at my brother's graduation in May. I will, however, have the chance to practice some Hindi with my mother's Indian friends. Very excited for that.

I've started doing www.livemocha.com for Hindi learning as well. One of my friends likes it better than Rosetta Stone. I still prefer Rosetta Stone, but I think LiveMocha is a great next step. It has you write and speak exercises, which get reviewed by native speakers. For some reason, though, they feel the need to bash Rosetta Stone and that upsets me. I love Rosetta Stone so much, and I'm very protective of it! LiveMocha is free, at least for the earlier lessons.

Also, my boyfriends family has been made aware of my religion. I've heard this third hand, but apparently, after he and I left at Easter, someone asked what religion I was. His mother planned to just say she didn't know, but his stepfather jumped in to say I was Hindu. Apparently, his grandmother's eyes got huge. They have to find out eventually and probably better for them to start getting used to it now rather than later. His immediate family is very open minded about it and his mother even gave me a gift certificate to India Sari Palace for my birthday!