It's a good thing I don't really rely on other people for my self-esteem anymore.
No sooner do I see the blog post that I gave you earlier today than I have one from the opposite perspective:
http://www.biculturalmom.com/2012/09/27/white-privilege-links-resources-reblogged-from-i-drink-white-tears
Lots of links to articles about white privileged and cultural appropriation. There's at least four on why you shouldn't wear a bindi.
Here's why white people can't be Hindu: http://sitaronse.tumblr.com/post/31223924664 I still don't really understand why I'm supposed to be responsible for the behavior of other white people. Because some white people oppressed your people, it's my responsibility? I know that sounds callused, but I didn't oppress anyone. My family, so far as I know, didn't oppress anyone. All white people didn't do that to you. But I guess I'm not really allowed to say that.
Apparenty, according to this person, a white person cannot have a respectful relationship with Hinduism. She can only treat it like a toy and enjoy its "otherness" and act like she's making it better. I do not come to Hinduism lightly and I think my regular readers know that! I know it intimately and it is not a game to me.
I am privileged. I feel guilty that I have that privilege. But I'm just not going to accept that I shouldn't follow my heart and do what feels right because I might offend or upset someone else. I don't purposefully go out to offend, of course, but I'm not sure who these people want me to be. The stereotype of a white person, I suppose. They probably have an idea in their minds of what a white person's domain is and exactly what it looks like.
I do not.
I have only what feels right to me and I'm finished with asking for anyone's permission to do it.
No sooner do I see the blog post that I gave you earlier today than I have one from the opposite perspective:
http://www.biculturalmom.com/2012/09/27/white-privilege-links-resources-reblogged-from-i-drink-white-tears
Lots of links to articles about white privileged and cultural appropriation. There's at least four on why you shouldn't wear a bindi.
Here's why white people can't be Hindu: http://sitaronse.tumblr.com/post/31223924664 I still don't really understand why I'm supposed to be responsible for the behavior of other white people. Because some white people oppressed your people, it's my responsibility? I know that sounds callused, but I didn't oppress anyone. My family, so far as I know, didn't oppress anyone. All white people didn't do that to you. But I guess I'm not really allowed to say that.
Apparenty, according to this person, a white person cannot have a respectful relationship with Hinduism. She can only treat it like a toy and enjoy its "otherness" and act like she's making it better. I do not come to Hinduism lightly and I think my regular readers know that! I know it intimately and it is not a game to me.
I am privileged. I feel guilty that I have that privilege. But I'm just not going to accept that I shouldn't follow my heart and do what feels right because I might offend or upset someone else. I don't purposefully go out to offend, of course, but I'm not sure who these people want me to be. The stereotype of a white person, I suppose. They probably have an idea in their minds of what a white person's domain is and exactly what it looks like.
I do not.
I have only what feels right to me and I'm finished with asking for anyone's permission to do it.
You cannot make everyone in this world happy.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, it is good to listen to people who believe this way, understand their perspective on it. TRULY understand it. Don't try to poke holes in their argument. Don't try to tell them they're wrong. They're not wrong. But it doesn't mean that you are, either.
The internet is a bunch of people yelling into space. It's not meaningful until you enter into DIALOGUE. It does you no good to get upset over someone who is talking of a very large and far-reaching issue that encompasses a very broad spectrum of people.
That person is someone speaking from her own experiences, her own hurt, her own anger. Someone who has been denigrated for her religion and mistrusts that someone whose skin color gives them institutional power won't take that one thing they believe in and use it for nefarious purposes.
That said, we are islands in this storm and we cannot understand anyone else's struggle as well as we understand ourselves.
So live your life. Live it authentically. Part of NOT saying "It's all about me! Look at me doing exotic things!" is realizing that sometimes people are going to look at you and praise you for being a foreigner and adopting their practices. And that should NOT make you feel happy and proud. It should make you feel weird and uncomfortable. Likewise, people are going to look at you and berate you for being a foreigner and adopting their practices. And that should also make you feel weird and uncomfortable. Struggle with it and draw your own conclusions. But know that no matter WHO you listen to, if you are doing something that will please one person, the same thing will disappoint another. Always.
You are so eloquent! And you understand these issues so much better than I! :)
DeleteI wish that we could all just be happy. I can respect your choices and let you do what you like and in return you can respect mine.
But I can't undo all the people who have hurt others and made fun of them, etc.
I wish it was enough for me to know that I know my own reasons and I don't have to answer to anyone. I'm still not quite there!
@Andrea - I could agree with this part of your comment more: "sometimes people are going to look at you and praise you for being a foreigner and adopting their practices. And that should NOT make you feel happy and proud. It should make you feel weird and uncomfortable"
DeleteI did feel weird in India when people wanted to meet me all the time. I'm nothing exotic or special in my own eyes so it was always strange. But, some of those people actually wanted to know me so I'm glad it happened. I did feel weird when they didn't like me for the same reasons. Yay, so now I know I'm normal.
@Ambaa - "I can respect your choices and let you do what you like and in return you can respect mine."
This is how I live my life too 99% of the time. I get the same trolls you do and some of what they do still bothers me tremendously. Kudos to you for being able to live your life on your own terms and even when things like this upset you, you can let them go and move on.
I agree with you. I think the term "white privilege" is grossly misused these days. I'm white and I've never gotten anything special for it other than being treated well in India. I had a sort of celebrity factor with people wanting to know me, meet me, etc but that still didn't get me all the best things in life. What's sad is I live in a racist town and I still don't get any extra privileges because I'm white. No, I'm not blind and just missing it. I get the same lack of trust as anyone else does. I don't get any special treatment, etc.
ReplyDeleteYes, I realize that some white people can be really crappy. But like you said, that is not my fault. In fact, like I was treated in India, I am more apt to pay attention to those from other cultures because they are interesting, exciting, etc. I guess that's their privilege but you don't hear anyone talking about that do you?
What about Mexicans. They have privilege every time someone has to put on a form "not Hispanic." I'm a firm believer this should not matter at all. But it has to because they are included in special counts and are given extra attention by the US government for many purposes. Special funding programs are created just because they are needed for Hispanics.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not racist and on a daily basis I could care less what the government is doing for anyone else. I live my life without a thought about it. But this white privilege thing angers me because it downplays just how much every other ethnic group out there is getting. I just don't think the problem is as big as people act like it is and I think there are many other factors involved. I highly doubt every white person they meet is acting out this expected privilege. Sorry...end rant now. :)
White privilege is indeed a major problem in the US. It does not translate as much to places like India where the majority group with power is Indian Hindus; however, there are still lingering aftereffects of colonialism in those areas that cause a rather unhealthy love/hate relationship with white skin. But that's a different argument.
DeleteWhite privilege is something that has to be understood in a macro view to see how it plays out in a micro view. It is why so many CEOs are white. The 'legacy' system of college admissions to elite schools is white privilege. The fact that neighborhoods are divided along color lines because of practices such as redlining and moving Native Americans to 'reservations' are results of white privilege. Change moves slowly and we do, indeed, benefit from the preferential treatment our fathers, grandfathers, and great-grandfathers got because they were white or passed for it. Some people have benefitted more than others, but simply not facing the detriment that people of color have faced is a sort of privilege itself.
Here is a very good article about white privilege and how pervasive it is. It is not a bad thing in and of itself; it is just important to be aware of it and the fact that it is everywhere, to the point that we don't even see it.
http://www.amptoons.com/blog/files/mcintosh.html
Dear Amba,
ReplyDeleteOn Internet you will find encouraging posts so there are posts which offends ...and .You simply can't simply make everyone happy...Day before yesterday in Nashville my wife was coming out from Walmart after shopping there a White person passed a racist comment to my wife ...and in the evening our Neighbor who is also White invited us at their home to dine with them..As my neighbor has recently become vegetarian she had tried out some dishes and it was fun to be with them ..So dear what I feel that one most be comfortable in his/her skin.... Bigots are everywhere....Life is too short to make everyone happy ..and` simply you can't make ..However on internet you can find all type of posts both Postive/Negative but one must make sure whether that is from authentic source..there are lot of people who fake by Name while posting..Agenda Driven...
Bigots are there so there you will also find good people..completing sentence of my last comment
ReplyDeleteThe young lady on tumblr got it all wrong hopefully she will grow out of it. I saw she was already on a repair mode in her subsequent post. Anybody can be hindu regardless of race or geographical location. In fact anyone can wear any attire as one pleases, regardless of one’s religious affiliation and lack there of. She makes contradictory statement to put it mildly. Her mom is self conscious to wear a bindi/saree or salwar kameez, all because she might attract attention and stares. So how nice it would be then for whites/blacks to put on these clothing and roam around in amercian streets, just so they impart legitimacy to hindu attire so that in turn brown hindus may gladly can do so without the added potential embarrassment. So therefore born brown hindus must say ‘thank you’ whenever they see a white /black person in the streets with sarees on. Secondly why are these complaints about someone calling oneself a hindu, I don’t get it. Most white/black hindus who embrace Hinduism out of freewill are more devout than millions of born brown hindus out there. This I say as an observant Indian American hindu myself. The newcomers take the pains to read the hindu texts and have a handle on the core doctrinal philosophy of Hinduism, and much more they are sincere in their efforts to understand the belief system. Now compare it to millions of born ones who have absolutely no idea about the hindu philosophy and in fact they sadly believe in the negative commentary of anti hindus unleashing misinformation. Hinduism is an acquired inheritance not a genetic right. White or black, if one wants to be a hindu one becomes a hindu; for their part brown hindus must feel the divinity in all beings and be very welcoming, thankfully as most are with some rare exceptions like this young woman.
ReplyDeleteThe young lady on sitaron se got it all wrong, hopefully she will grow out of it. I noted she was already on a repair mode in her subsequent post. Anybody can be hindu regardless of race or geographical location. In fact anyone can wear any attire as one pleases, regardless of one’s religious affiliation and lack there of. She makes contradictory statement to put it mildly. Her mom is self conscious to wear a bindi/saree or salwar kameez, all because she might attract attention and stares. So how nice it would be then for whites/blacks to put on these clothing and roam around in amercian streets, just so they impart legitimacy to hindu attire so that in turn brown hindus may gladly can do so without the added potential embarrassment. So therefore born brown hindus must say ‘thank you’ whenever they see a white /black person in the streets with sarees and bindis on.
ReplyDeleteSecondly why are these complaints about someone calling oneself a hindu, I don’t get it. Most white/black hindus who embrace Hinduism out of freewill are more devout than millions of born brown hindus out there. This I say as an observant Indian American hindu myself. The newcomers take the pains to read the hindu texts and have a handle on the core doctrinal philosophy of Hinduism, and much more they are sincere in their efforts to understand the belief system. Now compare it to millions of born ones who have absolutely no idea about the hindu philosophy and in fact they sadly believe in the negative commentary unleashed by anti hindus who spread misinformation. Hinduism is an acquired inheritance and definetley not a genetic right. White or black, if one wants to be a hindu one becomes a hindu. For their part born brown hindus must feel the divinity in all beings and be very welcoming, thankfully as most already are with some rare exceptions like this misguided young woman. Shanti.
I'm going to be honest. Unless you marry into an Indian hindu family I think people in those communities will always perceive you as someone appropriating their religion and culture. You keep saying that you don't care but obviously you do care. You've said in the past that it just so happened that you've never had an Indian boyfriend. I wonder if you're telling us the full story. Honestly, do you find Indian men attractive? Are you even interested in meeting an Indian guy?
ReplyDeleteI HAVE MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. He is not Indian.
DeleteI have dated Indian men in the past. I find Indian men attractive. I'm not looking for a husband to fix me.
END OF DISCUSSION.
There are some people who think the only way you can follow Hindu dharm is to be born into a Hindu family or, for a woman, to marry into a Hindu family.
DeleteThis is but one viewpoint of many. It also by definition leaves out any men who want to follow Sanatan Dharma by personal choice, as well as puts women in the dishonorable position of choosing a life partner with an ulterior motive - being accepted by a religious community.
Why are you so interested in whether she finds Indian men attractive or not? The "full story" you seem to be trying to elicit is just as exoticising as the perceived appropriation you seem to be against.
I don't know who is Soulman but seems like he is an Ignorant soul or can be a fake person imposing as hindu...
ReplyDeleteIt's very late where I am and I've only read a few things on that white privilege page you posted but I do plan to read more. Please, I'm hoping to speak to you directly Ambaa, don't let it hurt you. When I read these things, I laugh because these people are basically doing exactly what they think we are doing. Furthermore they are letting themselves be consumed by negative emotions. They are angered by us, think we are dumb, think we are racist, think we don't understand - they are judging us. From everything that I have learned, what little it may be, it does not affect your (Ambaa's) karma and path, if I decide I'm going to suddenly think Ambaa is the greatest Hindu Leader ever and worship her feet and stalk her. I then go around telling everyone this, and get her face tattooed on me. I may look like a fool, but it doesn't affect anyone else, does it? BUT when people let it affect them, let it give them negative emotions - that is their choice to react that way. They are clearly not very focused and centered :) I try never to worry about what others' are doing because it is more important to me what I am doing. (Obviously if someone is doing something bad like hurting someone, I would try to stop them, but in this case I'm speaking of things that one would just be judgmental against).
ReplyDeleteIt does hurt to hear these things but it hurts me more to know these people are so consumed by their negative emotions that they have to spread them to others, making the negativity even more strong. Should we not be asking instead, why do you follow Hinduism? Why do you have a tattoo of Ganesha? Why do you like "OM"? There might be a deeper meaning than just white privilege and appropriation. Or there may not be. "I thought it looked cool." But even if that is a bad reasoning, how does it affect me? No one made me get a tattoo of something someone else thought looked cool, so I am not bothered by this.
I'm sorry this was long but I really, truly want you to feel better. I feel deeply for you. :(
Very true! Feeling in a negative way is a choice. It's difficult, but not impossible, to turn away from the negative feelings and choose happiness no matter what is happening around you.
Deletehey!u just keep doing wat u r doing if that gives peace and happines,there is nothing wrong in it,if someone comments about it negatively that just means that they are suffering from inferiority complex and they are sick.treat them as sick people.n this comes fro m a boy who was born in hindu brahmin family who believes in all the religions of the world and has his own beliefs and principles which can't be named as a single religion.i think there is a lot to learn from every religion in the world and we need to filter a few things which are outdated.but would like to know how u got attracted to hinduism .
ReplyDeleteIf you go back in the archives, the first post should be an intro and some of the early posts have information on how I ended up here! :)
Delete