Life has been very good to me recently. I met and started a relationship with an absolutely wonderful man who is my perfect match in every way. I feel total peace and trust in our relationship and there is no need to push towards any next goal. What we have now is perfection and what ever we have in the future will also be perfection. There's nothing I would change.
Which brings up something very interesting for me.
I inherited from my mother, as many of us do, a tendency to worry. To worry over things in the future that I have no control over! I'm also addicted to achieving. I love video games because I enjoy that little rush of getting to the next level, unlocking the next achievement. My knitting is symptomatic of this too. I feel like I'm being productive, I'm accomplishing something as I turn string into sweaters.
With the relationship, though, there is no rush towards anything, no stepping stones to get to, nothing to try to achieve. And it's making me feel slightly weird.
Not that there's anything wrong, I just noticed this vague uncomfortableness in myself because I don't need to *do* anything.I just have to *be*
Why is that so difficult?
A while ago I noticed that staying present eliminates a lot of the pain and stress from life. A little bit of concern and plan for the future is good, but most of what we do is useless and only serves to make us tense. Is it a problem today? No? Don't worry about it.
And then you can keep breaking that down. Is it a problem this hour? This minute? This moment? You'll find that in the actual moment you are currently in, there is virtually no stress, no worry, and even no physical pain.
Knowing that, how is it that we don't spend all our time in the present moment?
I think it's because of that addiction to achieving. We enjoy the stress because it leads to those little endorphin rushes when we feel like we've fixed something or done something useful.
Learning to recognize the joy and peace in just being and not having to do, do, do all the time, is quite a challenge!
Which brings up something very interesting for me.
I inherited from my mother, as many of us do, a tendency to worry. To worry over things in the future that I have no control over! I'm also addicted to achieving. I love video games because I enjoy that little rush of getting to the next level, unlocking the next achievement. My knitting is symptomatic of this too. I feel like I'm being productive, I'm accomplishing something as I turn string into sweaters.
With the relationship, though, there is no rush towards anything, no stepping stones to get to, nothing to try to achieve. And it's making me feel slightly weird.
Not that there's anything wrong, I just noticed this vague uncomfortableness in myself because I don't need to *do* anything.I just have to *be*
Why is that so difficult?
A while ago I noticed that staying present eliminates a lot of the pain and stress from life. A little bit of concern and plan for the future is good, but most of what we do is useless and only serves to make us tense. Is it a problem today? No? Don't worry about it.
And then you can keep breaking that down. Is it a problem this hour? This minute? This moment? You'll find that in the actual moment you are currently in, there is virtually no stress, no worry, and even no physical pain.
Knowing that, how is it that we don't spend all our time in the present moment?
I think it's because of that addiction to achieving. We enjoy the stress because it leads to those little endorphin rushes when we feel like we've fixed something or done something useful.
Learning to recognize the joy and peace in just being and not having to do, do, do all the time, is quite a challenge!
We really have a lot in common! My Mother was an exceptional business woman and a huge worrier, As a crochet savant and also most of my online time used to be devoted to working as a GM for various online MMORPGS, I can also appreciate the puzzle solving...or what i call "hole filling" activities. I am OCD so the crochet does wonders with its soothing, rythmic, perpetual "hole filling". All of that changed for me about 6 years ago when i came to my hill. Though i do still game occasionally and i crochet for folks. It's taken a back burner to calm, joy and much peace.
ReplyDeleteAll of those things aside, I am overjoyed to see your life has turned in such a very happy way. My most heartfelt wishes to you and a prayer that you have every blessing<3
Spot on, Lady! I am a CONSTANT worrier and a "busy person". Inevitably, every time I'm on some sort of break or vacation from work or school, I undoubtedly come up with some large project that just HAS to be done, or some crisis that MUST be resolved. I've also noticed for myself, the less time I spend in meditation or in worship, the worse the worying and "hole filling" (as Mahalaya called it) becomes. Congrats on your new found peace and may it be everlasting. :-)
ReplyDeleteWorrying is also one of the things I do all the time, and it's so hard to train yourself to live now, not tomorrow or yesterday or in 30 minutes or 5 minutes ago. But life is so much happier when you get that all straight!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, congrats on your new relationship, and I hope that it continues to be lovely for a good long while!