There are other people in America in what I see as a very similar position to mine. They are known as ABCDs, which stands for "American born, confused Desi."
Immigration to the United States from India has been a fairly recent phenomenon, from about the 1970s to the present. That means that there are a huge number of families for whom the kids around my age are the first generation to grow up in this country (I was born in 1982).
Their parents grew up in India and came here for marriage or work as adults. For them, the ritual, culture, language, and religion was all around them in India. Adjusting to raising children in a country where none of those things are the same, where you have to travel to find people with a common culture, has led to a generation straddling traditions.
The book and movie The Namesake do an amazing job of showing how a pair of Bengali parents raise American children without realizing that it's happening. The culture divide between the two generations is very pronounced. The book is written by one of the best new authors in the country, Jhumpa Lahiri and the movie was directed by famed director Mira Nair. A great collaboration. I highly recommend it.
Kids born in America are expected to still know and participate in their Indian heritage, and yet they also go to American schools, have other American friends, and grow up just as American as any of us (my family is also fairly recent to the United States, with my grandmother being an immigrant).
Each American of Indian descent in this country has to decide how much of each part of themselves they will take. Do they want to be purely American and leave behind all ethnic tradition? Do they want to balance the two?
I think very few people are as old fashioned as I am. Many want to rebel against older generations, create the world anew, reject old ideas. Personally, I am very drawn to old ideas. I follow tradition as much as I can. Wearing a bindi is a bit of an old-world thing to do.
We'll see after I get married how many traditions I will follow. For example, wearing red powder in the part of the hair is a very old-world, traditional thing to do! I have a hard time imagining any of the young women in my generation, growing up in America, choosing to do that. But I have never fit in and I have never been "cool." I've been seen as old-fashioned all my life, even by my family. I've also never had a desire to be "cool." I'm fine with being odd!
But anyway, my point is that I have a lot in common with the ABCDs. They also have to find their way in the world of culture and tradition without having been handed it.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Hindu/Indian things I don't do
Miss. Mouse's motto in the comments on the last post: "Do whatever makes YOU happy and the hell with what everyone else thinks" is becoming quite true for me as well. On the one hand, I agree with my mom that I don't want to be making people unhappy on purpose. On the other hand, people are going to be offended no matter what. There are people who disagree on whether Mother Theresa was a good person, for goodness sake. No matter what you do, everyone has their own take on it. There are people my age who are offended by how old fashioned I am, my lack of feminism. That's just life.
Anyway, on to the point of this post.
There are aspects of Hinduism and/or Indian social customs that I do not follow. I am aware of them and I am making a conscious decision that they do not fit into my belief system. Part of having a religion is being able to use it to accomplish what you need it to in your life, so I don't think it is a good idea to take an entire faith system and go with it no matter what. Some people might call that having faith, but understanding why I do something is very important to me. I love tradition, but only if there is a meaning and a reason behind the tradition. I am not going to do it "just because."
Astrology
Astrology is very important in India. Before getting married, a bride and groom (or their families) will usually have their charts drawn up and compared. They also use astrology to determine an auspicious day to get married. There are many things that one has to find auspicious days for.
I am not a particularly superstitious person and I don't believe in luck. To me, karma negates the possibility of luck. Not everyone sees it that way. (More on karma another time). Of course, auspicious and lucky might not be exactly the same thing.
I can understand how people can believe that the stars drive fate and I think this is one instance where American culture is more strong in me. I do believe that we make our fate ourselves (perhaps partly due to choices made in a past life). In my belief system, nothing fated is completely inevitable. In the present moment, one always has a choice. I do think there are things that are fated to happen to us, but how we interpret those things is completely up to us and that is what sets the course for the next fated thing. There is a fluidity to fate in my understanding and the idea of fates being pre-written in the stars does not mesh with that.
Vegetarianism
This is a major one. A vast majority of Hindus are vegetarian and even those that eat fish, chicken, or even lamb, would not eat beef.
Here in America it can be so hard to understand not eating beef, it just seems so weird. I explain to people to think of it the way we think of Koreans eating dog meat. I don't even know if that is true or not, but it is a common enough legend in America. The way we feel about the idea of eating dogs is the same way Indians feel about the idea of eating cows.
Cows in India are not worshiped per se, but they are sacred. Actually, all life is sacred, but cows get special status for a couple of reasons. They are frequently used as an image to represent the mother, since they provide so much without their meat. They give milk and cheese and butter. Also, they are said to be the favorite animal of Krishna, who was a cow herder in his teenage years.
Many Hindus are vegetarian because of the doctrine of ahimsa, which means non-harmfulness. This is a major part of Ghandi-ji's message and a driving force in Buddhism. It is also present in Hinduism. Krishna lists "ahimsa" as one of the qualities of a perfect man.
My parents do not eat red meat and only my mom eats chicken. They don't do it for ahimsa, but because the digestion of heavy red meats is said to be detrimental to meditation.
For two years in college I was a vegetarian. I stopped because it became impractical. The men I date have never been vegetarian and I end up cooking for them, also I never had a good reason for it. People would ask me why I was vegetarian and I really had nothing to say.
Again, I don't think it's enough for me to say, "I am Hindu, therefore I don't eat beef." The reasons for not eating beef are not compelling for me. I think it's part of the natural cycle of birth and death that humans eat meat and I don't think the cow is an exception. For me it would have to be either all or nothing.
I feel very self-conscious about eating beef. It is difficult for me to claim to be a Hindu, yet eat hamburgers.
UPDATE: I stopped eating meat May 2010 (so two months after this post), but I'm still eating eggs.
Others
I don't always eat with my right hand. In India it is very rude to eat with the left hand because that is supposed to be the hand you wipe yourself with when you use the bathroom. The only time I consciously eat with my right hand is when I am in Indian restaurants.
I point. Pointing a finger at someone in India is also very rude. This one is just a habit that I would like to break, but pointing is a sub-conscious gesture at this time.
Those are all I can think of at the moment.
Anyway, on to the point of this post.
There are aspects of Hinduism and/or Indian social customs that I do not follow. I am aware of them and I am making a conscious decision that they do not fit into my belief system. Part of having a religion is being able to use it to accomplish what you need it to in your life, so I don't think it is a good idea to take an entire faith system and go with it no matter what. Some people might call that having faith, but understanding why I do something is very important to me. I love tradition, but only if there is a meaning and a reason behind the tradition. I am not going to do it "just because."
Astrology
Astrology is very important in India. Before getting married, a bride and groom (or their families) will usually have their charts drawn up and compared. They also use astrology to determine an auspicious day to get married. There are many things that one has to find auspicious days for.
I am not a particularly superstitious person and I don't believe in luck. To me, karma negates the possibility of luck. Not everyone sees it that way. (More on karma another time). Of course, auspicious and lucky might not be exactly the same thing.
I can understand how people can believe that the stars drive fate and I think this is one instance where American culture is more strong in me. I do believe that we make our fate ourselves (perhaps partly due to choices made in a past life). In my belief system, nothing fated is completely inevitable. In the present moment, one always has a choice. I do think there are things that are fated to happen to us, but how we interpret those things is completely up to us and that is what sets the course for the next fated thing. There is a fluidity to fate in my understanding and the idea of fates being pre-written in the stars does not mesh with that.
Vegetarianism
This is a major one. A vast majority of Hindus are vegetarian and even those that eat fish, chicken, or even lamb, would not eat beef.
Here in America it can be so hard to understand not eating beef, it just seems so weird. I explain to people to think of it the way we think of Koreans eating dog meat. I don't even know if that is true or not, but it is a common enough legend in America. The way we feel about the idea of eating dogs is the same way Indians feel about the idea of eating cows.
Cows in India are not worshiped per se, but they are sacred. Actually, all life is sacred, but cows get special status for a couple of reasons. They are frequently used as an image to represent the mother, since they provide so much without their meat. They give milk and cheese and butter. Also, they are said to be the favorite animal of Krishna, who was a cow herder in his teenage years.
Many Hindus are vegetarian because of the doctrine of ahimsa, which means non-harmfulness. This is a major part of Ghandi-ji's message and a driving force in Buddhism. It is also present in Hinduism. Krishna lists "ahimsa" as one of the qualities of a perfect man.
My parents do not eat red meat and only my mom eats chicken. They don't do it for ahimsa, but because the digestion of heavy red meats is said to be detrimental to meditation.
For two years in college I was a vegetarian. I stopped because it became impractical. The men I date have never been vegetarian and I end up cooking for them, also I never had a good reason for it. People would ask me why I was vegetarian and I really had nothing to say.
Again, I don't think it's enough for me to say, "I am Hindu, therefore I don't eat beef." The reasons for not eating beef are not compelling for me. I think it's part of the natural cycle of birth and death that humans eat meat and I don't think the cow is an exception. For me it would have to be either all or nothing.
I feel very self-conscious about eating beef. It is difficult for me to claim to be a Hindu, yet eat hamburgers.
UPDATE: I stopped eating meat May 2010 (so two months after this post), but I'm still eating eggs.
Others
I don't always eat with my right hand. In India it is very rude to eat with the left hand because that is supposed to be the hand you wipe yourself with when you use the bathroom. The only time I consciously eat with my right hand is when I am in Indian restaurants.
I point. Pointing a finger at someone in India is also very rude. This one is just a habit that I would like to break, but pointing is a sub-conscious gesture at this time.
Those are all I can think of at the moment.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Polytheism and Branches
Hinduism is not just one thing. It is a word that is used to capture the practices of a billion people, some of them living in cities, some in villages, some very well educated, others never going to school at all. To most people who practice it, Hinduism is not a religion, it's not something you do, it's a way of life, it's something that is just a part of you.
The Indian word for it is Sanatana Dharma. It is usually translated as "The Eternal Truth." Dharma is a complicated word. It means much more than Truth. It also means justice, balance, the perfect order.
There are four major branches of Hinduism, but all four share some characteristics. According to Hinduism Today's magazine special "What is Hinduism?", the following are the parts that all branches have in common:
"All Hindus worship one Supreme Reality, though they call it by many names...Hindus believe that there is no eternal hell, no damnation. They concur that there is no intrinsic evil. All is good. All is God...a Supreme Being who both is form and pervades form, who creates, sustains and destroys the universe only to recreate it again in unending cycles. Hindus accept all genuine spiritual paths. Each soul is free to find his own way...Hinduism explains that the soul reincarnates until all karmas are resolved and God Realization is attained."
Another time I will go into the concept of good and evil in Hinduism. Also, I will explain the "idol worship." For now, the part that I think may stand out to people not familiar with the religion is the worship of one God.
There are hundreds, maybe thousands of Gods in Hinduism. However, they are viewed one of two ways. Some believe that the myths and stories and different Gods are a way to comprehend a God who is too vast for the human mind to grasp. Each different God represents a quality of the God who is all things. Others view the Gods like angels (in fact I would argue that the translation of the word into "god" is not necessarily accurate). These people see the Gods as a form of life somewhere above us but below the Supreme Reality, as Hinduism Today calls it. "Above us" might not be an accurate way to say it. Being a God is a lifetime like any other and it comes to an end at some point.
Tradition holds that only humans can realize the truth and become enlightened. All other embodiments are there to teach our souls something to help us progress toward that goal, but only a human has the conscious awareness to realize himself.
So, in Hinduism the answer to the philosophical question, "Why am I here?" is that every soul is living life in order to remember who he truly is, that he is God. God is all things. The story goes that God wanted to experience all emotions and all things, so he broke himself into many parts and created the drama of the world. Shakespeare's "All the world's a stage and men and women merely players, they have their entrances and their exits..." becomes literal truth. The world is a play and we all have parts, but in the end we will take off our costumes and go back to the reality of Oneness. (I have always analogized this by thinking of molecules. Every piece of matter in the universe is made of essentially exactly the same building blocks.)
I have no doubt that in some remote villages, the people do practice polytheism, but in the scriptures and all the sayings of the holy men and women, Hinduism is monotheistic.
There is so much to say about this vast and ancient religion that I could go on forever, but I've promised an overview of the major branches. Again, quoted from the founders of Hinduism Today:
"Saivism
Saivite Hindus worship the Supreme God as Siva, the Compassionate One. Saivites esteem self discipline and philosophy and follow a satguru. They worship in the temple and practice yoga, striving to be one with Siva within.
Shaktism
Shaktas worship the Supreme as the Divine Mother, Shakti or Devi. She has many forms. Some are gentle, some are fierce. Shaktas use chants, real magic, holy diagrams, yoga and rituals to call forth cosmic forces and awaken the great kundalini power within the spine.
Vaishnavism
Vaishnavites worship the Supreme as Lord Vishnu and His incarnations, especially Krishna and Rama. Vaishnavites are mainly dualistic. They are deeply devotional. Their religion is rich in saints, temples and scriptures.
Smartism
Smartas worship the Supreme in one of six forms: Ganesha, Siva, Sakti, Vishnu, Surya and Skanda. Because they accept all the major Hindu Gods, they are known as liberal or nonsectarian. They follow a philosophical, meditative path, emphasizing man's oneness with God through understanding."
My branch, Advaita Vedanta, is a form of Smartism. It is less about devotion and worship, and more about study and learning. It's principles are based almost entirely on the teachings of Shankar, an Indian philosopher from the 9th century. He wrote commentaries on all of the major Hindu texts. There are now four "Shankaracharyas" in India, meaning teachers of Shankar. It is from one of these teachers that my organization growing up got its teachings. My parents also follow one of these teachers and have been to India to meet him. The word "Advaita" means "Non-duality" and that was the main focus of Shankara's teachings. (The word "vedanta" means "philosophy.")
The other day I was driving somewhere and got a little lost. I used to get lost all the time, but now I have a GPS, so I only get slightly lost! I drove right by a Hari Krishna center.
Now there is a group of Hindus that do practice conversion and are, I believe, mostly white. If only I could fit in there!
But their branch is vaishnavism, which, as stated above, is more dualistic than other branches of Hinduism. They are, in my view, much closer to Christians. They see God as something outside themselves, something to be worshiped and adored. This belief does not fit with my beliefs at all, so sadly, there is no place for me there.
On a completely different note, it is so clear to me where I get my worry about offending people. I live under a cloud of it because every time I do anything, my mother convinces me that I'm upsetting someone. Yesterday it was about a doll that I knit.
On the knitting website Ravelry I am in a group for South Asian Knitters. Someone there suggested the pattern for this doll as a project that we all do. I started first because I loved the pattern so much and I couldn't wait to make it. I shared it with the group and lots of people told me how cute it was.
My dad showed my mom a picture of it from flickr and she called to tell me that if any Indians saw it, they would be offended by her skin color.
I swear, I can't make a single move without my mom calling to tell me that I'm offending people.
Oh, and by the way, the book "The Everything Hinduism Book" (as in from the series of books called "The Everything..."), is a really good one. It has the history of Hinduism, major figures, the religions that broke off of it (like Buddhism, for example), as well as the philosophical teachings. I was really impressed by how much information it has in it.
The Indian word for it is Sanatana Dharma. It is usually translated as "The Eternal Truth." Dharma is a complicated word. It means much more than Truth. It also means justice, balance, the perfect order.
There are four major branches of Hinduism, but all four share some characteristics. According to Hinduism Today's magazine special "What is Hinduism?", the following are the parts that all branches have in common:
"All Hindus worship one Supreme Reality, though they call it by many names...Hindus believe that there is no eternal hell, no damnation. They concur that there is no intrinsic evil. All is good. All is God...a Supreme Being who both is form and pervades form, who creates, sustains and destroys the universe only to recreate it again in unending cycles. Hindus accept all genuine spiritual paths. Each soul is free to find his own way...Hinduism explains that the soul reincarnates until all karmas are resolved and God Realization is attained."
Another time I will go into the concept of good and evil in Hinduism. Also, I will explain the "idol worship." For now, the part that I think may stand out to people not familiar with the religion is the worship of one God.
There are hundreds, maybe thousands of Gods in Hinduism. However, they are viewed one of two ways. Some believe that the myths and stories and different Gods are a way to comprehend a God who is too vast for the human mind to grasp. Each different God represents a quality of the God who is all things. Others view the Gods like angels (in fact I would argue that the translation of the word into "god" is not necessarily accurate). These people see the Gods as a form of life somewhere above us but below the Supreme Reality, as Hinduism Today calls it. "Above us" might not be an accurate way to say it. Being a God is a lifetime like any other and it comes to an end at some point.
Tradition holds that only humans can realize the truth and become enlightened. All other embodiments are there to teach our souls something to help us progress toward that goal, but only a human has the conscious awareness to realize himself.
So, in Hinduism the answer to the philosophical question, "Why am I here?" is that every soul is living life in order to remember who he truly is, that he is God. God is all things. The story goes that God wanted to experience all emotions and all things, so he broke himself into many parts and created the drama of the world. Shakespeare's "All the world's a stage and men and women merely players, they have their entrances and their exits..." becomes literal truth. The world is a play and we all have parts, but in the end we will take off our costumes and go back to the reality of Oneness. (I have always analogized this by thinking of molecules. Every piece of matter in the universe is made of essentially exactly the same building blocks.)
I have no doubt that in some remote villages, the people do practice polytheism, but in the scriptures and all the sayings of the holy men and women, Hinduism is monotheistic.
There is so much to say about this vast and ancient religion that I could go on forever, but I've promised an overview of the major branches. Again, quoted from the founders of Hinduism Today:
"Saivism
Saivite Hindus worship the Supreme God as Siva, the Compassionate One. Saivites esteem self discipline and philosophy and follow a satguru. They worship in the temple and practice yoga, striving to be one with Siva within.
Shaktism
Shaktas worship the Supreme as the Divine Mother, Shakti or Devi. She has many forms. Some are gentle, some are fierce. Shaktas use chants, real magic, holy diagrams, yoga and rituals to call forth cosmic forces and awaken the great kundalini power within the spine.
Vaishnavism
Vaishnavites worship the Supreme as Lord Vishnu and His incarnations, especially Krishna and Rama. Vaishnavites are mainly dualistic. They are deeply devotional. Their religion is rich in saints, temples and scriptures.
Smartism
Smartas worship the Supreme in one of six forms: Ganesha, Siva, Sakti, Vishnu, Surya and Skanda. Because they accept all the major Hindu Gods, they are known as liberal or nonsectarian. They follow a philosophical, meditative path, emphasizing man's oneness with God through understanding."
My branch, Advaita Vedanta, is a form of Smartism. It is less about devotion and worship, and more about study and learning. It's principles are based almost entirely on the teachings of Shankar, an Indian philosopher from the 9th century. He wrote commentaries on all of the major Hindu texts. There are now four "Shankaracharyas" in India, meaning teachers of Shankar. It is from one of these teachers that my organization growing up got its teachings. My parents also follow one of these teachers and have been to India to meet him. The word "Advaita" means "Non-duality" and that was the main focus of Shankara's teachings. (The word "vedanta" means "philosophy.")
The other day I was driving somewhere and got a little lost. I used to get lost all the time, but now I have a GPS, so I only get slightly lost! I drove right by a Hari Krishna center.
Now there is a group of Hindus that do practice conversion and are, I believe, mostly white. If only I could fit in there!
But their branch is vaishnavism, which, as stated above, is more dualistic than other branches of Hinduism. They are, in my view, much closer to Christians. They see God as something outside themselves, something to be worshiped and adored. This belief does not fit with my beliefs at all, so sadly, there is no place for me there.
On a completely different note, it is so clear to me where I get my worry about offending people. I live under a cloud of it because every time I do anything, my mother convinces me that I'm upsetting someone. Yesterday it was about a doll that I knit.
On the knitting website Ravelry I am in a group for South Asian Knitters. Someone there suggested the pattern for this doll as a project that we all do. I started first because I loved the pattern so much and I couldn't wait to make it. I shared it with the group and lots of people told me how cute it was.
My dad showed my mom a picture of it from flickr and she called to tell me that if any Indians saw it, they would be offended by her skin color.
I swear, I can't make a single move without my mom calling to tell me that I'm offending people.
Oh, and by the way, the book "The Everything Hinduism Book" (as in from the series of books called "The Everything..."), is a really good one. It has the history of Hinduism, major figures, the religions that broke off of it (like Buddhism, for example), as well as the philosophical teachings. I was really impressed by how much information it has in it.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Hindi Update
Last night my boyfriend and I went to a Hindi meetup group meeting. It was awesome. Meetup.com has gotten me through a couple of moves to new states. Here it got me a writing group, a knitting group, and this. I've never seen anything like it before. It's a group designed to be a place where you can practice Hindi.
There are hundreds of members and a lot of variety in ability with the language. For some it is their first language and others are just learning. There are people from India and people who are first generation in the U.S. and there are other white people too.
A lot of socializing and networking happens that is not in Hindi. I didn't do a lot of speaking last night, but I discovered that I understood a lot of the Hindi I did hear. I understood the basic introductions and various snippets of conversation. What a great feeling.
The other great experience was that people asked what drew me to learn Hindi and Indian culture (I was wearing a salwar suit, though not a bindi). I explained a little bit about my background and everyone was really accepting.
In fact, it was exactly the easy acceptance that I've been craving. No one seemed to be even the slightest bit offended, just happy that I appreciated their language and culture.
The experience of learning a new language has been different from what I expected.
At first it was astounding to look at my computer screen, at a sentence in another script and another language, and to know that I understood it. It felt like magic.
Slowly that feeling faded. The sentences I could read got more and more complicated, but I started expecting that I could understand them and now I get frustrated easily when I'm not getting something.
The basics have become so second nature to me that it almost feels as though I've learned a new way to say something in English. In the same way that, for example, the word "dog" just means that particular animal to me and it feels as though it really should, as though that is somehow it's true name and anyone would understand that this particular animal is "dog." I feel exactly the same way about "kutta" now.
Some of the words and sentences seem so obvious that I cannot keep it in my head that there are people who don't understand them.
I swing wildly back and forth between feeling encouraged by the amount I've learned and discouraged that I still can only say simple declarative sentences and questions. I'm working on breaking through the barrier of being able to say more complex things. I have to keep going one step at a time and not analyze too much how far I am in the process of learning.
A few weeks ago I was in the Indian grocery store and the man behind the counter answered the phone. He asked, in Hindi, what the person's name was and I understood it so perfectly and naturally that he may as well have been speaking English.
I'm so excited for the time when all of Hindi feels that way!
At this point I am able to understand a lot more than I can produce. I have even watched some Bollywood movies without subtitles and gotten a substantial amount. Watching them with subtitles, I'm focusing on listening to what they are actually saying and I know a lot of the vocabulary.
I used to feel like I wanted to know every language there was. Now I feel very satisfied with two. If I can get completely fluent in Hindi, I will be all set. And I'll get there because I am quite determined.
I'm so grateful to have the supportive group of people to practice with too, because at some point the learning has to leave the grammar books and software and come into the real world.
There are hundreds of members and a lot of variety in ability with the language. For some it is their first language and others are just learning. There are people from India and people who are first generation in the U.S. and there are other white people too.
A lot of socializing and networking happens that is not in Hindi. I didn't do a lot of speaking last night, but I discovered that I understood a lot of the Hindi I did hear. I understood the basic introductions and various snippets of conversation. What a great feeling.
The other great experience was that people asked what drew me to learn Hindi and Indian culture (I was wearing a salwar suit, though not a bindi). I explained a little bit about my background and everyone was really accepting.
In fact, it was exactly the easy acceptance that I've been craving. No one seemed to be even the slightest bit offended, just happy that I appreciated their language and culture.
The experience of learning a new language has been different from what I expected.
At first it was astounding to look at my computer screen, at a sentence in another script and another language, and to know that I understood it. It felt like magic.
Slowly that feeling faded. The sentences I could read got more and more complicated, but I started expecting that I could understand them and now I get frustrated easily when I'm not getting something.
The basics have become so second nature to me that it almost feels as though I've learned a new way to say something in English. In the same way that, for example, the word "dog" just means that particular animal to me and it feels as though it really should, as though that is somehow it's true name and anyone would understand that this particular animal is "dog." I feel exactly the same way about "kutta" now.
Some of the words and sentences seem so obvious that I cannot keep it in my head that there are people who don't understand them.
I swing wildly back and forth between feeling encouraged by the amount I've learned and discouraged that I still can only say simple declarative sentences and questions. I'm working on breaking through the barrier of being able to say more complex things. I have to keep going one step at a time and not analyze too much how far I am in the process of learning.
A few weeks ago I was in the Indian grocery store and the man behind the counter answered the phone. He asked, in Hindi, what the person's name was and I understood it so perfectly and naturally that he may as well have been speaking English.
I'm so excited for the time when all of Hindi feels that way!
At this point I am able to understand a lot more than I can produce. I have even watched some Bollywood movies without subtitles and gotten a substantial amount. Watching them with subtitles, I'm focusing on listening to what they are actually saying and I know a lot of the vocabulary.
I used to feel like I wanted to know every language there was. Now I feel very satisfied with two. If I can get completely fluent in Hindi, I will be all set. And I'll get there because I am quite determined.
I'm so grateful to have the supportive group of people to practice with too, because at some point the learning has to leave the grammar books and software and come into the real world.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Religion vs Culture
A woman on a religious message board I am on asked me about something she has observed, which is that there seem to be two different types of Hindus--the Indian and Indian Americans who grew up with it and then the others who are very into the philosophy. She points out that those raised in the faith tend to do the rituals and the holidays, while the others are into theology and philosophy, but don't seem to participate in any group worship, taking it as a solitary practice. The two groups do not seem to integrate at all.
She asked me my take on this phenomenon and I think it is exactly the bridge that I have been trying to cross.
My response to her was that I thought the young adults who discovered Indian philosophy forty years ago were not interested in finding another dogma and another old tradition. They wanted something fresh and new and to get away from traditional religion. They took the philosophy, but left behind the traditions.
I want both. I don't like the feeling of practicing a religion in a vacuum. Part of me is stunned that my parents did not see this coming. They taught me to believe in so many Indian concepts, but they never thought I would want to adopt the entire culture. Which makes me wonder if I could just take the philosophy and leave the rest.
After all, I do not know of anyone else who grew up in my community who has gone the direction I have gone. Even my own brother leans more Christian than Hindu. The people I grew up with are either Christian or Jewish. Many of them never saw our organization as a religion. I always did. Because I didn't have anything else.
I think part of that is just the personality that I was born with. Ritual and devotion has always appealed to me along with knowledge and study. I was a deeply religious child, but I didn't know how to channel that.
I did join an evangelical Christian group in college and I tried to make myself fit in there (particularly since I fell deeply in love with one of the boys there). But there were certain fundamental aspects of being a Christian that I just kept banging my head against. I could not accept them. Things such as God being a separate being from us, the idea of heaven and hell with no reincarnation, devotion being the only way to be close to God, and others. Again and again I just kept coming back to the foundation of my beliefs being Hindu.
All of my life I have longed for a community, a feeling of belonging. I envied my best friend who is Jewish because the Jewish community is so strong and dedicated. I never fit in, even within the organization I grew up in. I took things more seriously than other people. Through no one's fault, my memories of my childhood are filled with an overwhelming sense of loneliness and the desire to belong.
And yet I was never to make myself into the kind of person who would belong with the people around me. Maybe a latent stubbornness in me, I don't know.
So the point is that I want it all. I do not want to extract the philosophy from a religion that is quite possibly the oldest in the world. I want to be accepted as I am. Maybe too much to hope for.
I want to clarify here that I love being American. I do not wish to be otherwise. Being American leaves me unfettered by social expectations. Our belief in the freedom of each individual to follow her own path is what makes this country what it is. Being American is what allows me to pursue this path I am on.
I have never been to India. I don't know how to explain that I feel deeply that I know India. I understand its pulse. I believe that I lived there in another life, as loopy and stupid as that sounds. I am not one of these people who thinks that India is this magical land of religion. I know sometimes people have the tendency to think that everyone in China knows kung-fu and quotes Lau-tzu all day and that people in India are free from material desires and meditate under trees all the time (or else sing and dance in the streets!). I have no such illusion.
I understand that it is a place like any other, and that people are people no matter where you go. By that I mean that there is a percentage of people in India who are deeply religious, just as in America and anywhere else in the world. There is also a percentage who are motivated by social standards and competing with neighbors, and a percentage who use the idea of religion for personal gain, etc., etc. These things happen everywhere.
When the movie Slumdog Millionaire came out, some people I knew told me that when I saw it it would change my opinion of India, that I wouldn't like it so much anymore. That's plain crazy. I am not unaware of social problems in India. I am not unaware of its weaknesses and its strength or its variety. I love it because everything I see of it and everything I hear of it makes me feel at home deep in my heart.
Someday soon I hope to visit and see the battle field of Kurukshetra from the Mahabharata, and the city of Ayodhya from the Ramayana. And just experience the plain, every day magic of it.
She asked me my take on this phenomenon and I think it is exactly the bridge that I have been trying to cross.
My response to her was that I thought the young adults who discovered Indian philosophy forty years ago were not interested in finding another dogma and another old tradition. They wanted something fresh and new and to get away from traditional religion. They took the philosophy, but left behind the traditions.
I want both. I don't like the feeling of practicing a religion in a vacuum. Part of me is stunned that my parents did not see this coming. They taught me to believe in so many Indian concepts, but they never thought I would want to adopt the entire culture. Which makes me wonder if I could just take the philosophy and leave the rest.
After all, I do not know of anyone else who grew up in my community who has gone the direction I have gone. Even my own brother leans more Christian than Hindu. The people I grew up with are either Christian or Jewish. Many of them never saw our organization as a religion. I always did. Because I didn't have anything else.
I think part of that is just the personality that I was born with. Ritual and devotion has always appealed to me along with knowledge and study. I was a deeply religious child, but I didn't know how to channel that.
I did join an evangelical Christian group in college and I tried to make myself fit in there (particularly since I fell deeply in love with one of the boys there). But there were certain fundamental aspects of being a Christian that I just kept banging my head against. I could not accept them. Things such as God being a separate being from us, the idea of heaven and hell with no reincarnation, devotion being the only way to be close to God, and others. Again and again I just kept coming back to the foundation of my beliefs being Hindu.
All of my life I have longed for a community, a feeling of belonging. I envied my best friend who is Jewish because the Jewish community is so strong and dedicated. I never fit in, even within the organization I grew up in. I took things more seriously than other people. Through no one's fault, my memories of my childhood are filled with an overwhelming sense of loneliness and the desire to belong.
And yet I was never to make myself into the kind of person who would belong with the people around me. Maybe a latent stubbornness in me, I don't know.
So the point is that I want it all. I do not want to extract the philosophy from a religion that is quite possibly the oldest in the world. I want to be accepted as I am. Maybe too much to hope for.
I want to clarify here that I love being American. I do not wish to be otherwise. Being American leaves me unfettered by social expectations. Our belief in the freedom of each individual to follow her own path is what makes this country what it is. Being American is what allows me to pursue this path I am on.
I have never been to India. I don't know how to explain that I feel deeply that I know India. I understand its pulse. I believe that I lived there in another life, as loopy and stupid as that sounds. I am not one of these people who thinks that India is this magical land of religion. I know sometimes people have the tendency to think that everyone in China knows kung-fu and quotes Lau-tzu all day and that people in India are free from material desires and meditate under trees all the time (or else sing and dance in the streets!). I have no such illusion.
I understand that it is a place like any other, and that people are people no matter where you go. By that I mean that there is a percentage of people in India who are deeply religious, just as in America and anywhere else in the world. There is also a percentage who are motivated by social standards and competing with neighbors, and a percentage who use the idea of religion for personal gain, etc., etc. These things happen everywhere.
When the movie Slumdog Millionaire came out, some people I knew told me that when I saw it it would change my opinion of India, that I wouldn't like it so much anymore. That's plain crazy. I am not unaware of social problems in India. I am not unaware of its weaknesses and its strength or its variety. I love it because everything I see of it and everything I hear of it makes me feel at home deep in my heart.
Someday soon I hope to visit and see the battle field of Kurukshetra from the Mahabharata, and the city of Ayodhya from the Ramayana. And just experience the plain, every day magic of it.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Stories and Bindi Update
Here is my favorite story:
There was a man who wanted to become enlightened/one with God. He meditated under a pine tree (just picking a type of tree with a lot of needles here, it wasn't actually a pine tree in the story) with great devotion. After years of meditation, God took pity on him and sent a messenger to answer a question for him. The messenger of God came and asked the man what question he would like answered. The man said, "How long until I am enlightened?"
The messenger relayed the question to God, who answered, "Do you see the number of needles on this tree? It is that many lifetimes you will go through before you are enlightened."
The man got up and danced with joy. The messenger looked at him, astonished, and asked, "Why are you celebrating when God has told you it is so many lifetimes away from you?"
The man said, "Because the number is finite."
And at that moment he became enlightened.
*************************************************************************************
In Hinduism, the goal of life is to become one with God. Really, we already are, but we just have to discover it. This is called Samadhi. Unlike Buddhism, in which the end is nothingness, in Hinduism the end is everythingness. Every lifetime we live is in pursuit of this unity. Sometimes in our ignorance, we try to find unity in other things, not knowing the way back to our true selves. When I was sixteen I was in a sort-of confirmation ceremony to reaffirm vows that, according to tradition, I made in the womb. That we all made in the womb. One of those vows is to find our way back to God. Another is to obey the natural laws of the universe.
*************************************************************************************
Another story along the same line is that of the lion who thought he was a sheep. Disney actually made a cartoon of this story years ago and I had it on video when I was a kid.
There was a lion cub who was lost by his pack and ended up growing up in a pack of sheep. In the Disney movie his name is Lambert. Because he had never seen another lion, he believed he was a sheep. He behaved like one and sounded like one. He had never roared. The sheep were his family and he did not know he was different.
One day another lion saw the pack of sheep and attacked. At first Lambert cowered with the other sheep, but his desire to protect his family woke something up in him. For the first time in his life, he roared, and became the lion he really had always been. He scared the other lion away.
*************************************************************************************
The "lesson" of this story is that we are all lions who think we are sheep.
*************************************************************************************
The next story is one that I was told when I was being taught to be a "perfect" wife. I'm not at all sure I agree anymore with its message!
There was a wise man who was deeply devoted to his work. He studied and he wrote night and day. So that his writing would not be interrupted, his wife brought him food silently and also kept his oil lamp burning.
One day she was late and the light went out. The man was roused from his study and looked around him with surprise. The wife came in and apologized for the lamp going out and the man said to her, "Who are you?"
She told him that she was his wife. He was so grateful for her devoted service that he dedicated his book to her.
*************************************************************************************
Oh, here's another great one. Another of my favorites.
There was a man who tended a temple in south India. He dreamed that the statue of the God was asking him to bring it water from the mouth of the Ganges.
So the man took an arduous journey, walking all the way from south India to the mouth of the Ganges in the far north. When he finally got there, he scooped the water into a pail and started the walk back.
On the way, laying on the side of the road, he came upon a donkey who was almost passed out from thirst. The animal was dying.
Instantly the man used the pail of water to revive the donkey.
When he got back to the temple, his fellow caretakers could not believe that he would waste the sacred water on a donkey. They asked what happened.
He said, "God was kind enough to meet me halfway."
*************************************************************************************
In Hindu philosophy, particularly my branch, all things are God. There is no duality. Just as all the variety of things in the universe are made up of the same basic molecules, so everything is different forms of one God. This is the reason why the doctrine of Ahimsa (non-harmfulness or non-violence) is so important. This is why most Hindus are vegetarian.
*************************************************************************************
One more story illustrating this point:
Once there was a man who took a picnic lunch out to a field. A wild dog ran by and grabbed his bread. The man got up and ran after the dog, shouting, "My lord, my lord, you forgot the butter!"
*************************************************************************************
I'll post more stories as I remember them.
UPDATE ON BINDI
I have been wearing my bindi every day this week.
I had a very hard time finding someplace that sold plain, every day bindis. Finally I found www.indybindi.com and they had a variety of colors and sizes, as well as fancy bindi.
At first I bought several packs of red (before I decided to go with black) and I bought the smallest size they had. I was not prepared for just how small that is. I think it looks more like a bug landed on my face than a bindi!
However, the very small size, has made me more comfortable wearing it, feeling that it is subtle. I have worn this size to work.
From the same website I ordered my black ones in a slightly larger size.
I have worn it to school, the bank, the library, the post office. I've only had a comment by one co-worker who liked it. He said, "Is this bindi thing an every day thing?" I said, "Yeah, I'm trying it out, just getting started." He told me that he had lots of fancy ones that he stuck on his face for parties.
I realized also that most people are probably noticing more the dent on my face than my bindi! In the pictures it looks like a dimple on my left cheek, but in person you can see more a dent and a bump. It's a cyst that left a noticeable scar. I forget that it's there and sometimes people ask about it and I'm always surprised to remember it's there.
Today at the library, I was wearing a full salwar suit and my smaller bindi. Wouldn't you know, the girl who checked me out was Indian. She was also wearing a salwar suit. She said, "I notice you're wearing Indian clothes."
I said, "Yes. As are you. Very lovely."
That was it. I have no succinct explanation to offer to curious people. I'm not sure what I should say when Indian people actually ask me outright about what I'm wearing. She didn't phrase as a question, so I gave no explanation at all.
Also, I discovered to my delight that the library (this was my first time there), has Hindi books!
There was a man who wanted to become enlightened/one with God. He meditated under a pine tree (just picking a type of tree with a lot of needles here, it wasn't actually a pine tree in the story) with great devotion. After years of meditation, God took pity on him and sent a messenger to answer a question for him. The messenger of God came and asked the man what question he would like answered. The man said, "How long until I am enlightened?"
The messenger relayed the question to God, who answered, "Do you see the number of needles on this tree? It is that many lifetimes you will go through before you are enlightened."
The man got up and danced with joy. The messenger looked at him, astonished, and asked, "Why are you celebrating when God has told you it is so many lifetimes away from you?"
The man said, "Because the number is finite."
And at that moment he became enlightened.
*************************************************************************************
In Hinduism, the goal of life is to become one with God. Really, we already are, but we just have to discover it. This is called Samadhi. Unlike Buddhism, in which the end is nothingness, in Hinduism the end is everythingness. Every lifetime we live is in pursuit of this unity. Sometimes in our ignorance, we try to find unity in other things, not knowing the way back to our true selves. When I was sixteen I was in a sort-of confirmation ceremony to reaffirm vows that, according to tradition, I made in the womb. That we all made in the womb. One of those vows is to find our way back to God. Another is to obey the natural laws of the universe.
*************************************************************************************
Another story along the same line is that of the lion who thought he was a sheep. Disney actually made a cartoon of this story years ago and I had it on video when I was a kid.
There was a lion cub who was lost by his pack and ended up growing up in a pack of sheep. In the Disney movie his name is Lambert. Because he had never seen another lion, he believed he was a sheep. He behaved like one and sounded like one. He had never roared. The sheep were his family and he did not know he was different.
One day another lion saw the pack of sheep and attacked. At first Lambert cowered with the other sheep, but his desire to protect his family woke something up in him. For the first time in his life, he roared, and became the lion he really had always been. He scared the other lion away.
*************************************************************************************
The "lesson" of this story is that we are all lions who think we are sheep.
*************************************************************************************
The next story is one that I was told when I was being taught to be a "perfect" wife. I'm not at all sure I agree anymore with its message!
There was a wise man who was deeply devoted to his work. He studied and he wrote night and day. So that his writing would not be interrupted, his wife brought him food silently and also kept his oil lamp burning.
One day she was late and the light went out. The man was roused from his study and looked around him with surprise. The wife came in and apologized for the lamp going out and the man said to her, "Who are you?"
She told him that she was his wife. He was so grateful for her devoted service that he dedicated his book to her.
*************************************************************************************
Oh, here's another great one. Another of my favorites.
There was a man who tended a temple in south India. He dreamed that the statue of the God was asking him to bring it water from the mouth of the Ganges.
So the man took an arduous journey, walking all the way from south India to the mouth of the Ganges in the far north. When he finally got there, he scooped the water into a pail and started the walk back.
On the way, laying on the side of the road, he came upon a donkey who was almost passed out from thirst. The animal was dying.
Instantly the man used the pail of water to revive the donkey.
When he got back to the temple, his fellow caretakers could not believe that he would waste the sacred water on a donkey. They asked what happened.
He said, "God was kind enough to meet me halfway."
*************************************************************************************
In Hindu philosophy, particularly my branch, all things are God. There is no duality. Just as all the variety of things in the universe are made up of the same basic molecules, so everything is different forms of one God. This is the reason why the doctrine of Ahimsa (non-harmfulness or non-violence) is so important. This is why most Hindus are vegetarian.
*************************************************************************************
One more story illustrating this point:
Once there was a man who took a picnic lunch out to a field. A wild dog ran by and grabbed his bread. The man got up and ran after the dog, shouting, "My lord, my lord, you forgot the butter!"
*************************************************************************************
I'll post more stories as I remember them.
UPDATE ON BINDI
I have been wearing my bindi every day this week.
I had a very hard time finding someplace that sold plain, every day bindis. Finally I found www.indybindi.com and they had a variety of colors and sizes, as well as fancy bindi.
At first I bought several packs of red (before I decided to go with black) and I bought the smallest size they had. I was not prepared for just how small that is. I think it looks more like a bug landed on my face than a bindi!
However, the very small size, has made me more comfortable wearing it, feeling that it is subtle. I have worn this size to work.
From the same website I ordered my black ones in a slightly larger size.
I have worn it to school, the bank, the library, the post office. I've only had a comment by one co-worker who liked it. He said, "Is this bindi thing an every day thing?" I said, "Yeah, I'm trying it out, just getting started." He told me that he had lots of fancy ones that he stuck on his face for parties.
I realized also that most people are probably noticing more the dent on my face than my bindi! In the pictures it looks like a dimple on my left cheek, but in person you can see more a dent and a bump. It's a cyst that left a noticeable scar. I forget that it's there and sometimes people ask about it and I'm always surprised to remember it's there.
Today at the library, I was wearing a full salwar suit and my smaller bindi. Wouldn't you know, the girl who checked me out was Indian. She was also wearing a salwar suit. She said, "I notice you're wearing Indian clothes."
I said, "Yes. As are you. Very lovely."
That was it. I have no succinct explanation to offer to curious people. I'm not sure what I should say when Indian people actually ask me outright about what I'm wearing. She didn't phrase as a question, so I gave no explanation at all.
Also, I discovered to my delight that the library (this was my first time there), has Hindi books!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Who is Aamba?
Aamba is the name that I use to sign my posts, but it is not my real name.
Where did I get the name from? Aamba is a character in The Mahabharata (one of the epics I spoke of yesterday). She is a character who fascinates me and one of my mother's Sanskrit teachers decided that her name should be my "Indian" name for the purpose of his class. People seem to see a similarity between her and me. I don't know if that's a good thing.
Here is the basics of her story:
There is a prince whose name is Bishma. He is his father's only child and stands to inherit the kingdom. However, his father, the king, falls in love with a girl whose family will not allow them to marry unless there is some way to guarantee that her son will be king and not Bishma.
Because his father is so unhappy at not being able to marry this girl, Bishma takes an oath that he will never marry, never have relations with a woman, father no children. That would make him ineligible to be king.
In return for his generosity and selflessness to his father's desires, the gods grant Bishma a gift, the ability to choose the time of his death. No one can kill him unless he allows it.
The king marries the girl and she has a son. Sometime later the king dies and the younger brother is installed as king. However, he is weak and sickly. He needs a wife, but the method for getting a wife at that time was to enter a contest of arms (a swyamvara) to win a wife.
So, Bishma goes and wins three wives for the king. They are sisters. The youngest is Aamba and she is crying. Bishma asks her what is wrong and she tells him that it was not her choice to be up for offer in the swyamvara, that she is in love with someone already. She begs Bishma to let her go to the man she loves.
He agrees and she goes to meet her lover. However, that king is afraid of Bishma and he tells Aamba that he no longer wants her.
By the time Aamba gets back to Bishma's kingdom, the young king she was supposed to marry has died (how he got children to carry on the kingdom is very complicated and i won't go into that here). Aamba tells Bishma that he must marry her since she has been rejected by the man she loves and it is his fault. He won her, she is his.
He insists that he cannot because of the vow he took. He tells her to go back to her father, but she says she will not return to a man who bartered her like an animal.
Instead she takes her own oath. She swears that she will wander the world looking for someone to kill Bishma. Though it is impossible, she does so anyway. In the movie (see more about the movie at the end of the story) she has a very creepy line, "Never forget me, Bishma, I am your death."
She disappears from the main story, but shows up again forty years later, a wandering beggar woman. Her looks have hardly changed and she tells the main characters that her hate keeps her young. She has found no one willing to challenge Bishma.
Eventually she performs austerities in order to get gifts from the gods. She stands on one toe for twelve years and things like that. The gods, impressed with her discipline, speak to her. They tell her that only death can outwit death.
She builds a fire and throws herself into it, holding on as she dies to her one wish, to kill Bishma.
She is reborn as a man and lives a life whose only purpose is to kill Bishma.
In the midst of the great battle, Bishma (who has ended up by fate, not by choice, on the opposite side as the main characters) recognizes her and allows her to kill him.
A very sad story of a passionate woman. She is my namesake.
By the way, if you are interested in the story of The Mahabharata, there is a wonderful western adaptation by director Peter Brook. It is six hours long, broken into two hour segments. It is easy to watch and is quite a wonderful telling. Brook's premise was that this story is not just an Indian story, it is the story of mankind and it is universal.
Along that theme he cast actors from all over the world. One character is played by a French actor, another by an Italian, another by a African, another by an Indian, another by a Japanese. The beautiful accents blend together and weave an entrancing story.
I have shown this movie to many, many of my friends and they have all been riveted by it, whether they have any previous knowledge of Indian mythology or not.
There is also a 24 hour long Hindi mini-series of it. I have not seen it yet, but I hope to.
In the next post I will plan to tell you some other stories, some of the short fables that I grew up hearing.
Where did I get the name from? Aamba is a character in The Mahabharata (one of the epics I spoke of yesterday). She is a character who fascinates me and one of my mother's Sanskrit teachers decided that her name should be my "Indian" name for the purpose of his class. People seem to see a similarity between her and me. I don't know if that's a good thing.
Here is the basics of her story:
There is a prince whose name is Bishma. He is his father's only child and stands to inherit the kingdom. However, his father, the king, falls in love with a girl whose family will not allow them to marry unless there is some way to guarantee that her son will be king and not Bishma.
Because his father is so unhappy at not being able to marry this girl, Bishma takes an oath that he will never marry, never have relations with a woman, father no children. That would make him ineligible to be king.
In return for his generosity and selflessness to his father's desires, the gods grant Bishma a gift, the ability to choose the time of his death. No one can kill him unless he allows it.
The king marries the girl and she has a son. Sometime later the king dies and the younger brother is installed as king. However, he is weak and sickly. He needs a wife, but the method for getting a wife at that time was to enter a contest of arms (a swyamvara) to win a wife.
So, Bishma goes and wins three wives for the king. They are sisters. The youngest is Aamba and she is crying. Bishma asks her what is wrong and she tells him that it was not her choice to be up for offer in the swyamvara, that she is in love with someone already. She begs Bishma to let her go to the man she loves.
He agrees and she goes to meet her lover. However, that king is afraid of Bishma and he tells Aamba that he no longer wants her.
By the time Aamba gets back to Bishma's kingdom, the young king she was supposed to marry has died (how he got children to carry on the kingdom is very complicated and i won't go into that here). Aamba tells Bishma that he must marry her since she has been rejected by the man she loves and it is his fault. He won her, she is his.
He insists that he cannot because of the vow he took. He tells her to go back to her father, but she says she will not return to a man who bartered her like an animal.
Instead she takes her own oath. She swears that she will wander the world looking for someone to kill Bishma. Though it is impossible, she does so anyway. In the movie (see more about the movie at the end of the story) she has a very creepy line, "Never forget me, Bishma, I am your death."
She disappears from the main story, but shows up again forty years later, a wandering beggar woman. Her looks have hardly changed and she tells the main characters that her hate keeps her young. She has found no one willing to challenge Bishma.
Eventually she performs austerities in order to get gifts from the gods. She stands on one toe for twelve years and things like that. The gods, impressed with her discipline, speak to her. They tell her that only death can outwit death.
She builds a fire and throws herself into it, holding on as she dies to her one wish, to kill Bishma.
She is reborn as a man and lives a life whose only purpose is to kill Bishma.
In the midst of the great battle, Bishma (who has ended up by fate, not by choice, on the opposite side as the main characters) recognizes her and allows her to kill him.
A very sad story of a passionate woman. She is my namesake.
By the way, if you are interested in the story of The Mahabharata, there is a wonderful western adaptation by director Peter Brook. It is six hours long, broken into two hour segments. It is easy to watch and is quite a wonderful telling. Brook's premise was that this story is not just an Indian story, it is the story of mankind and it is universal.
Along that theme he cast actors from all over the world. One character is played by a French actor, another by an Italian, another by a African, another by an Indian, another by a Japanese. The beautiful accents blend together and weave an entrancing story.
I have shown this movie to many, many of my friends and they have all been riveted by it, whether they have any previous knowledge of Indian mythology or not.
There is also a 24 hour long Hindi mini-series of it. I have not seen it yet, but I hope to.
In the next post I will plan to tell you some other stories, some of the short fables that I grew up hearing.
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